Cyberspace to Paris - Part 5

During the week that followed, Andy and I spent every spare moment we had getting to know one another. We struggled getting an internet phone program to work so that we could actually talk to one another and failed miserably.

Determined to be able to engage in real dialog, we opted for the telephone. I made the first call since it was cheaper to call overseas from the U.S. than vice versa.

When I first heard his voice, I was slightly surprised as I thought it would have been deeper. I was neither disappointed nor delighted about it. It was just one of those things I observed and noted to myself as an unexpected.

Prior to this phone call, Andy and I had commented many times on our ability to engage in very fun and interesting conversation. It seemed to just flow between us. I had often wondered if we were able to do this because we felt safe in the anonymous world of the interenet.

What I discovered while Andy and I were connected in live conversation was that we fell right into that same type dialog without ever skipping a beat. We talked about everything we could think of and then some. We just seemed to click.

I learned that he lived alone with his two boys, Boris and Yannick....two 6-month old kittens that he had gallantly rescued from the SPCA and named after the famous tennis players they reminded him of. This meant that I was conversing with a fellow cat lover.

I also learned that he had been married eight years and was recently divorced. The positive side of this, aside from his availability, was that his previous wife was American. It underscored Andy's openness to the qualities an American can bring into his life.

He had already sent me a photo of himself playing tennis on a court in the Dordogne. His dark sweaty hair was kept in check by a sweatband and he had a look of concentration on his face as he waited for his opponent to play the ball. I pulled up the photograph while we spoke and began to study it very closely.

From it, I saw a regular guy; meaning someone who really looked and acted normal. And the conversation I was engaging in with him enforced this perception I had developed from observing the photo. I felt like a school girl talking to him and I loved it.

After an hour of gabbing and laughing and flirting with one another, we reluctantly ended our conversation and reconvened the computer.

It was obvious at this point that this wasn't enough, we weren't satisfied. Phone calls are nice, engaging in conversation over the computer is nice but we wanted to know if we could carry on this way in person.

I don't recall how it came about but I do remember making the statement that I perceived a vacation to Europe on the horizon. He picked up on that immediately and said April would be a good month (only a month or two away). Things at work were pretty unsettling for me and I had no idea where I would be from one day to the next, though I knew my days there were numbered. So, a trip to Europe wasn't that far fetched an idea. I began to entertain the idea and Andy, true to form, fueled it.

Originally I had just planned on coming to England to visit him. As we discussed the possibility of my even coming over, it turned into a vacation both of us would take to France.

Cyberspace to Paris - Part 4

If you have stumbled into this story for the first time, start HERE.

Ah, I loved it. A man that enjoys the process as much as reaching the final destination. So I stretched my imagination and allowed the vision to begin.

“We are sitting next to each other on a train bound for a small provincial town near Nice” I begin. “We have a car to ourselves but it isn’t a private car. We have a bottle of wine and two paper cups to drink from. Since it’s not really night time but more like dusk and it’s a summer evening, we are drinking a chilled Pinot Grigio.”

“Who brought the wine? Are we together or did we meet by chance on the train?” He queried.

“We met on the boat over the channel and by chance chose the same car. You bought the wine on the ferry in an attempt to rid yourself of your coins and I happened to have a few paper cups with me."

Andy picked up on my vision and began to contribute his perspective.

“The conversation is starting to flow and we are smiling and being attentive towards each other.”

"I am beginning to notice little things about you, like the way the light plays on your hair and your eyes. And the funny little thing you do with your nose and the way your muscles show through your shirt.”

“And the way your eyes sparkle when I say something that makes you smile” he continued. “And the thin laughter lines that appear on your face when you do so”

“Yes, those laughter lines are very thin, and almost invisible, right?”

“That’s right, but alluring just the same”

“Of course. You’re stretched out and your legs are crossed at the ankles and your hands are crossed behind your head. You’re very relaxed and at ease with yourself and your surroundings.”

“But every so often I lean towards you when you are speaking. I begin to notice how you have turned yourself ever so slightly towards me and how you pen your lips as you sip the wine. You see me watching you.”

“I am nervous and giddy. We have been talking about silly, fun stuff while drinking wine from paper cups. I’m observing your hands, like the little hairs on your fingers..” Playfully, I interject, “I see that you are not an ape.”

“I notice that you are contemplating the strands of hair that have loosely fallen across my forehead and I push my hands through it. We both laugh at this and I think to myself that I wish that she had done that.”

“I feel robbed and I think to myself, ‘is his hair soft or thick?’”

“or both”

“Suddenly, the train makes a jerky move and we are thrown from our positions. I fall towards you. One of your hands reaches to your side as you balance yourself against the window of the train.”

“And the other reaches out to stop you from falling. As you are pushed towards me and we come closer together I catch the scent of your perfume. Then, as your head comes against my face, I can smell the sweetness of your hair.”

“I can feel your chin on my head and my nose is in your chest. There is a faint smell of cologne that was applied early that morning; it’s mixed with your own natural fragrance and gives off a very masculine and musky smell”

“As the train steadies itself, I bring my other arm up to your head and turn your face towards me as I hold you firmly. I find no resistance.”

“Realizing the position, I’m in, I try to move. Abut your arms are tight about me and won’t let me pull away. I don’t fight it as I like where I am and I continue to allow the rhythm of the train and the smell of the cologne to pull me into its spell”

I look deeply into your eyes to try to get some sense of the situation without revealing my own feelings. I observe the slight quiver of your lips”

“I focus on the shape of your mouth, the curve of your lower lip and the firmness of your chin. You have a confident look about you and I wonder what it would be like to kiss you. I guess you were as curious as I but not quite as bold as you responded to my gaze and brushed your lips over mine, gently and softly.”

And so it was; our first cyber kiss. One can rest assured that neither Andy nor I were satisfied to end things there and that we stayed true to form as we pushed the fantasy to a wonderful and heated climactic ending. We continued to build the experience one paragraph upon another and within the continuing text revealed our sweet, playful and romantic personalities.

“Go to sleep, Andy” I finished, “thank you for a wonderful train ride through France. May the night-time fairies bless you with a sweet sleep”.

“Thank you for sharing it with me, GFT. Sleep well, too. And when you do, have sweet dreams.”

We both disconnected our computers from the internet. I slept soundly and sweetly that night thinking about this new person I allowed to touch my life. And more than anything, I enjoyed the unselfish trusting way tat both of us opened up to each other and allowed ourselves to contribute to a wonderful adventure.

Cyberspace to Paris - Part 3

I was delighted to see him that night and came to learn that the period of silence between us was merely computer problems that Andy was having that prevented him from being able to connect. So, eager to help my sister make new friends, I introduced Andy to Diane.

The nice thing about introducing him to my sister is that through the dialog that transpired between the three of us, I was able to see another side of Andy. It was like taking a step back and observing a little; and on the same token granted him the same opportunity about me. What I observed most was a consistency in his playful, quick-witted character.

Diane was very excited about her new outlet through chat on the internet and was persistent about playfully conversing with Andy and myself. She was giddy and talkative which fostered an animated environment for Andy and I to volley our flirtatious phrases. Her frequent interruptions to our private conversations helped to fuel our desire to be alone with one another even more.
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Soon after we recommenced our online communication, GFT introduced me to her sister who was just getting into the whole net expereince; and we partook in some three-way online chats together. I enjoyed these very much and always found them entertaining; however, a part of me was beginning to feel I wanted GFT to myself. An element of frustratration developed when we started chatting alone and then were joined by her sister. Our conversations were beginning to ride the roller-coaster of sexual flirtation; and I felt we were both keen to explore this side of our net relationship in more detail in spite of an element of nervousness on both our parts.
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Finally, Diane's exuberance began to fade and she exchanged her computer for sleep leaving Andy and me alone to continue without her.

I was keenly aware at this point how attracted I was to him and how open I felt I could be. If we were in a room together physically, I would have wanted him to kiss me. So, I envisioned it in my mind and tried to connect with how I would feel if indeed we were alone in a room together. Giddy, light-headed, and nervous would be an accurate description.

So, playfully, I said to him that I anticipated an adventure. Seeking clarification or perhaps it was an effort to force me to reveal my thougths he asked me what type of adventure I was anticipating.

"It starts with a kiss", I said. "I think our lips just brush. Yes, that is how it begins."

"A kiss is a strange place to start" he stated, then asked, "how did we get there?"

Cyberspace to Paris - Part 2

5rb "I don't recall all of my first impressions of Andy from our initial conversation but there are a few words that come to mind. First, I found tim to be extremely self-confident. It was through his wit and his quick unpretentious responses to my questions and merrymaking that made his self-confidence seem so apparent to me. And secondly, I determined him to be down-to-earth and very laid back; a quality I can admire as it meant that he didn't take life so seriously.

In addition to being attracted to his laid back personality, I was also intimidated by it. It highlighted my own intense and serious demanor; something I am aware can be a turn-off for a lot of people as it can be tedious at times. I was able to to keep the conversation light at the beginning but after two consecutive days of conversing with Andy, my intensity surfaced. An outside factor obligated Andy to abruptly end our conversation and I immediately interpreted his departure as a desire on his part to just end our conversation. After a day or two of not hearing from him, I thought perhaps he had decided to avoid me altogether.

My sister was in the process of arranging her internet connection about the same time period that I met Andy. She and I had been sending each other e-mails to and from work as I tried to help her get connected to ICQ an dintroduce her to other chat programs where the two of us could play. After about a week of tweaking and detailed intstruction, Diane was finally becoming a novice to the world of chat and web-surfing.

Andy once again surfaced just as Diane and I began developing our own routine."
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Andy: "Over the following week or so that GFT and I intermittently communicated, she started to talk about a man she was pursuing. I was not sure how to take this new line in conversation. On the one hand it suggested to me that she was quite happy to talk about personal things in her life with me; and I took this very much as a compliment. However, there was also a suggestion that this line of conversation was possibly trying to tell me that her heart was set on someone; and therefore, she was not looking for love over the net.

Although I was in some sense looking for romance on the net, I did not see this as a problem in our continuing communication because the logical side of my mind was telling me it was an unlikely event since she lived 6000 miles away. Really, what were the chances?

At this point, my computer decided to break down, much to my chagrin, as I was really getting into ICQ as a communication forum. I had begun to build up quite a list of female contacts and had set about exploring the flirtatious side of ICQ.

When I finally got back online a week or so later, GFT was not necessarily the first person I would have particularly expected to pay much attention to my absence. I had the impression she was consumed by her own world at that time and busy with pursuing her male quarry. Therefore, when I checked my e-mail and found various messages from GFT asking if I was ignoring her, I was somewhat surprised but pleasantly so. No one can deny, whoever they are, it is always nice to be missed.

So, our relationship was rekindled, and with renewed vigor on my part.

From Cyberspace to Paris, GFT 's and Andy's Transatlantic Rendzvous

I was reading a post on Queue's blog where he wrote about a possible real world meeting with someone he met online. I commented on a few meetings that I had; as a result I have decided to share my second online rendezvous with anyone who stumbles across my blog.

Before I begin, I would like to give you a little background information. The year was 1998, it was probably the worst year of my life; I was 38. I was going through some difficult times at work because I was trying to break out of my career as a secretary. God forbid a woman work her way up from being a secretary but a man can become president of a company starting off as a clerk in the mailroom. But that's a whole other story. My handle was "5rb"

Andy was studying Computer Science in Bath England. He was 30 something and recently divorced. He loved to play baseball and drink beer at the local pubs. His handle was "Andy"

The story itelf is actually very easy to share because Andy and I created a "journal" to record the event. One of us would write a section then e-mail it to the other to finish. Then, when we actually arrived we kept our own separate journals. In the end, we sort of decided not to share our separate journal entries.

Here begins the tale. I actually started the story.


"So secretive, can I unlock the door" was the message that came through my ICQ chat program. It was from Andy. I remember that at that particular time, I was researching information on the Indian culture. There was a guy that had been pursuing me from India and I was trying to learn as much as possible about his culture before allowing myslef to get tangled with him.

Normally, I don't respond to random chatters and usually ignore requests for chat since they all seem the same. I perceive these strangers as lonely people seeking admittance into my world hoping that somehow I can fill the empty gap in their lives. But am I really that much different? Afterall, I left myself available to receive these random messages. I assume that it was the lack of info on my bio that made me "mysterious".

From an initial message, one can easily detect a lack of creativity on the part of the initiator. "m/f age?" is usually a typical beginning. From there you can easily predict the next series of quesions and dialog. "What color is your hair, your eyes? What are you wearing? Do you like cybersex, I'm horny, etc." So, by this time I lose interest in the dialog and regret ever having allowed the intruder into my world.

But Andy's opening message was different. It implied mystery and begged for an adventure. It was an invitation or perhaps a request for permission to explore.

I saw a man here who perceived me as a mystery -- femme fatale. I sensed an intelligent, perceptive man seeking an intriguing, mysterious equally intelligent female with whom to engage oneself in fun, playful dialog.

All that from a message, you might ask? Ok, so I embellish a little - but truth be known, I wasn't that far off the mark.

And so having no idea where this path might lead me, I responded to Andy's one line with a chat request and allowed our adventure to unfold.
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Andy's portion

The beauty of ICQ as a method for meeting women is the fact that any rejection one may suffer is relatively painless in comparison to the extrovert world of face-to-face meeting. One can afford to be more daring in one's choice of words and language when trying to initiate a conversation. This in turn has the effect that one finds oneself saying the "right" thing.

I did not give much thought to writing my first note to 5rb "so secretive can I unlock the door". Reading her brief biography gave little away but I took the word mysterious as an invitation.

Her immediate chat request came across to me as an invitation to try a few keys. However her first remarks gave me the impression that although it was OK to try various keys, they needed to at least have a similar pattern.

As well, I sensed a woman who was comfortable talking about herself in a fairly open and perceptive manner; a woman who thought carefully about the questions she asked, which was a refreshing change. She had an intensity about her that while being quite tiring also provided a greater depth of interest.

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Tune in later for more.......

A match made in heaven

A couple of Saturdays ago I was searching and searching for an Icee. It's so hard to know where to find them, these days. When I was a child, 7-Eleven was the place to go. I think I went to three different convenient stores before I hit pay dirt. I love Icees.

I love Whoppers, too. Thankfully, I can still get away with eating them but I'm sure the day is just around the corner when I'll have to really cut back on them. Anyway, I went to Burger King this afternoon for a Whopper and guess what they have just added to their menu?

Yep, you got it, Icees! I can get an Icee and a Whopper in one place.

Ah, yes, Life is Good.

Culture Week

Well, I had a really nice dose of "culture" this week.

First it started on Wednesday with a lecture by E. O. Wilson.

I have a close friend named Bill and anyone who ever gets into a conversation with him will discover, usually within the first 20 minutes of dialog, that Bill is a Harvard Grad. He did his undergrad work there, then went on to Florida get his PhD in BioChemistry, then on to A&M to pursue his medical degree. Wilson was one of his professors way back when and since has become Bill's number one hero.

Wilson is embarking on an interesting endeavor. To begin, his number one passion and concern is the welfare and condition of the earth's environment. He feels there is an urgent need to stop what we've done this far and begin preserving what's left. His solution is unique and somewhat controversial. He is applealing to the evangelical leaders of the world to help him spread the word. His means is through his latest book titled "The Creation". The book opens up as an open letter to an anonymous pastor and moves on from there.

Then on Thursday, I went to see the Opera Rigoletto at Opera in the Heights at Lambert Hall with my friend, John. Apparently, Opera singers who are not yet ready for the large opera houses, such as Wortham or the Met, need opportunities to perform and better their voices for the big events. It's equivalent to the minor leagues. So, to meet this need, opera houses, like Opera in the Heights, provide these opportunities. It is my understanding that these opera houses exist all over Europe. The performance was OUTSTANDING! It was my first time to see Rigoletto. Thankfully I knew the story because the projector was broken and we were unable to read the translation.

Finally, on Friday, I went to see the ballet Dracula. The music was composed by Franz Liszt. I'm not a ballet fan but I really enjoyed this ballet very much. The costumes were fabulous, especially the cape worn by dracula himself. When he turned his back to the audience and raised his arms, his cape took on the form of moth wings and gave off a powerful sense of control and "thirst" for power. And the stage affects were fabulous. Even if you are not ballet fans, this one is well worth the time to see.

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Mama got a new toy, again.

I have a 2002 Infiniti and my sister has a 2002 Maxima and both of us have had trouble with the factory stereo. She has had hers replaced twice already and I haven't bothered. It's the CD player. The CD players don't play worth shit, the discs skip. The later model cars have better stereos but almost everyone I know who has a pre-2004 Infiniti has had this same problem.

At home, I have an umbrella cockatoo. She's a sweetie pie but she gives off a fine powder like dander and my CD player just couldn't handle it, so after about 6 years of this stuff, it went kaput.

I really grew tired of listening to the radio, so I went to Best Buy and I bought an i-pod. I also bought a thingy that lets me play the music through the radio in my car. I've already downloaded five or six CD's on the thing.

When I went to bed last night I thought of my sister. She has always been the one in the family with a passion for music. All music.

She is 10 years older than I am. When I was little, like about seven, we each had one of those little record players that looked like a box. It had a lid with a hinge on it and it latched when it was closed. I think hers was purple. She also had one of those hand-held tape players, not a cassette style, but a reel to reel one. When I would go into her room, I would have to be very quiet because she would record music from the record to the tape player. This was before "auxilliary" outlets were available that you allowed to record directly from one device to another.

I can't believe how far we have travelled in my lifetime. It's all going so fast.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I had my car broken into and all of my favorite CD's stolen. Then it happened again about a year later. It got to the point I didn't want to keep them in my car. So, WOW, how cool is this to have everything loaded onto this tiny little device that fits in my purse. I called my insurance company and confirmed that it was covered under my renters policy if it ever gets lost or stolen. So is my blackberry.

This little ipod is so cool; I think MacIntosh is on to something.

Deal of the Century

Ok, some of you might not be as excited about this as I am but I just had to blog about it.

Since my clientele has just moved up a couple of notches and I feel I need to have a much better understanding of the issues in money, marketing and real estate, in order to appear to know what I'm talking about, I decided to subscribe to the online edition of the Wall Street Journal. The online edition is $79 annually. Now that's a pretty good deal but that's not the "deal of the century".

THIS is the deal of the century. If I upgrade my subscription to $99/annually, I can have the print edition delivered to my doorstep. That, my friends, is the deal of the century.

After I signed up last week I thought maybe I misunderstood. This morning, was my first delivery, waiting on my doorstep.

Boxer brief - for girls

I had to go to Target yesterday to get some things from Target and on the list were "unmentionables"....oooooh. I was with my friend, Dennis. Dennis is gay and I love him to pieces. He's become a good friend.

So anyway, we go to the undies section and I find boxer briefs for women. So I buy a couple of pairs to see how I like them. They are sooo comfy, I love wearing them.

Dennis is really a lot of fun to shop with. He has really good taste in a lot of things. As most of you already know, I love to sew. So about two or three months ago, he and I went to a fabric store here in Houston called High Fashion Fabrics because I wanted to buy fabric to make a dress. When Dennis got wind of this, he wanted to go with me and pick out the fabric. He picked out the most beautiful fabric! I love it. I wore the dress to John's musical when it was performed at Lambert Hall. According to my sister, I turned heads. So, I take Dennis with me a lot when I go shopping.

I'm going to get me some more of these boxer briefs....for women.

The Prodigal Whatever

She lives.

It's been a while since I've posted anything but y'all have definitely been on my mind. I just haven't really felt like posting.

Most of you have followed the events that lead up to my disappearance and I can tell you it has been very difficult. I have one foot in the presence and the other pulling out of the past. About 2 weeks ago, I decided to forgive them. Forgiveness is a funny thing. Once you've decided to forgive and stop hating, the emotions no longer have anything stuffing them down. So, they all came up. I thik the final purging was aobut a week ago Friday when I called my brother and sobbed for an hour. The poor guy didn't want to hang up the phone. He has trouble understanding why I'm crying so much because where I am is so much better and the potential for income and growth is so much greater. I lost my "family", I explain. I lost all that work and I was betrayed. I have to re-adjust to a different environment. Life goes on; it could be so much worse.

Adding to the stress of the past is the stress of the constant change where I am now. I do mean constant. When I started it was just one broker, myself, and two "assistants". One assistant became an agent and we brought on another agent and an office manager. Now, our office acquired a huge listing at one of Uptown's coolest lofts and with that we brought on about 5 more agents. The changes in themselves have brought me to tears as I try to just adjust. Our office manager bursts into tears also over the changes but we both seem to be troopers and keep moving forward.

Something else that's interesting is that we are an office of women. Our broker is a male and he's pretty much the only one. And thankfully we are all pretty cool women. I have a lot of fun with them; two of them have pulled me into their social circles and have included me in "girls night". Man, I haven't had one of those in a long time. It was really hard to connect with the girls in the office at my last place.

My sister flew down to visit me in August. It was the best time we have ever spent with one another and we are growing closer by leaps and bounds. I just wish we lived closer to one another!

I read Freebird's blog the other day. I hadn't been connected in so long that I logged on Wednesday and started reading about her "ex"; I was interrupted and couldn't finish it. Then on Thursday, I spent the day at the museum and while waiting for my entrance to Body Worlds, pulled her blog up on my blackberry. I had to get the rest of the story. Her story makes me think about what it is about women and our resolution. Cathy's story makes me feel the same way. We just keep going. But man, I'm ready for a break. Something that tells me that life gives back and rewards us for our dilligence. Is there a reward at the end for not taking all the hurt, anger and pain and just becoming a destructive bitch towards the ones who hurt us? Is there?

As I just mentioned, I saw Body Worlds on Thursday. It was really quite interesting and made me think about things. I'm so glad I'm not a smoker. I think the whole world should seet that exhibit. It takes about 2 1/2 hours to make it through if you get one of the audio thingies that talk you through it.

Ok, I think I'm caught up for now. I probably will start blogging again soon. I'm close to getting a digital camera and I have some sewing projects I want to post about.

Cheers, all.

Deep in the Heart - Review

The following is performing in Lambert Hall July 28 & 29 2006. The ending was re-written and it's wonderful:

DEEP IN THE HEARTStrand Theatre, Galveston
By Alison Young; Arts Houston Magazine (Aug. Issue)

Good timing is everything, whether it’s music or theatrical dialogue. And the right time is also no trivial matter when it comes to love, as candidly explored in John DeMers’ new musical Deep in the Heart. Largely autobiographical, Deep tells the story of David, a Houston transplant, recently laid-off and celebrating his 50th birthday when he falls for Julie, a 34-year-old cancer survivor. Both have previous attachments: hers with a non-committal live-in country-singing wannabe, and his with a wife and three children in far-off Atlanta.

Julie and David are faced with the age-old dilemma of making a break from their known, albeit unfulfilling relationships, for the unknown filled with promise. Philip Lehl (David) and Kim Tobin (Julie) gave sincere and touching performances, from Tobin’s sensitively husky mezzo in “She Went Home” to Lehl’s buoyant, almost weeping tenor in “This Man That You Need.” Theirs was an entirely believable affair; sizzling at times, and also filled with pain - but always captivating to watch unfold in Galveston’s intimate Strand Theatre.

Complicating matters is David’s sexy and self-serving assistant who followed him to his new life in Houston, Meredith (a masterful Deanna Julian); along with Julie’s boyfriend Trent (an equally seductive Sean Greene), a user who enjoys the perks of his free ride with no intention of letting go without a fight. Dramatically powerful staging and lighting highlighted their shared scheming in “Hundreds of Miles.” Julian’s vocal tone was just right: clear and colorful, and she made Meredith someone you love to hate. With his sultry bedroom eyes and a swagger full of entitlement, Greene’s center-stage country act performances left no doubt why Julie fell for him in the first place. “At the Van Horn Café” received a deserved accompaniment of clapping and cheers.

Julie and David’s dalliance, however happy for those involved, meets with objections from Julie’s well-meaning best friend, Cindy, performed with a full helping of new-mother superiority by Georgi Silverman, who can’t tolerate Julie tossing away her life for a man not brave enough to obtain a separation from his wife and go public with his new relationship. “Think of your luck to have a friend like me!” she sings self-righteously. But will David and Julie let their chance at happiness slip away? DeMers’ musical dares to deal with subjects that are not neat and tidy. But life rarely is. With this stellar cast, ably directed by Darin Garrett, the audience’s hope that Julie and David will work things out is overwhelming. – Alison Young

New Job

Well, so far things are going well with my new "home", so to speak. I'm afraid to write about it because I don't want to jinx it. Things are sort of slow but I have a lot of influence over how we do things so that's a good thing. But, still, I'm scared, you know?

Here are a list of some positives:

1) My broker bought me a laptop. Yippee
2) My broker wants to allocate marketing dollars towards my goals. Hello?
3) I have re-designed our website and they all like it. Yay!
4) My office does not smell like a sewer. (My old office did for some reason)
5) No one tells me to "shut up". (I had a colleague that hated it when I clicked my pen or sang, or got excited...etc. and he was vocal about it)
6) There are a lot of men who are so handsome and have money that walk through our door. Oh my god. I'm so excited about that.
7) I have a good broker.

Ok, well, that's about it for now. Like I said, we don't want to jinx anything. :)

What Happened?

Well guys, I don't know where or even how to begin to tell you what has happened to me. It has been pretty painful as well as disgusting. The things that people can and will do is beyond my comprehension.

Things at my work were going pretty well. I had made partnership, was going to open up a sales office and had a developer interested in using our company to market their properties.

On June 5th, I had a minor dispute with the president of the company over an invoice. Now J. and I have butt heads in the past and he gets very very upset when it happens. So, traditionally, when it happens, we would both just take a breather from each other for a day. Then, by the next day one of us would find a way to break the ice and everything would be ok.

Well, on June 6th, he sent me an e-mail that said that he didn't want to be a part of the partnership and his wife wouldn't be available to help me either. He basically said he didn't care about the business and wanted nothing to do with it, the ball was all mine to carry. I was ok with the idea of doing it on my own but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to keep him in the mix because I loved working with him so much. So, over the next few days, I was getting sort of depressed and didn't know how to resolve the issue.

On Thursday, June 8th, I was tense and one of my colleagues noticed my tension. She is J.'s niece. Many times she has had issues with her uncle as well and at times has wanted to leave the company because she was so upset. So, I decided to tell her how I was feeling. I thought she would understand and I could air out my frustration.

That weekend, I decided to take time off to regroup and by Monday would have a solution in place.

When I arrived at my office, my desk had been packed up. They went through every personal item I had and kept all customer contact information that was scribbled in notebooks and placed in folders. They tried to keep my Franklin Covey planner pages (Backfill pages with contact information, etc.) but I was able to get that back. The kept three years of work and I was forced to walk away without it and start from scratch.

I don't know how to explain to you what I have been going through. It is the equivalent of having someone you care about die. It took about 5 days for J. to get around to e-mailing me why he had done this. A list of my crimes was sent to me. I guess while they were doing this, they had to picture me as some demon in order to be able to tell themselves that what they were doing to me was ok. Not a new concept. I never ever in a million years thought that he would have done something like that to me. Never. If I had, I would have made sure I kept copies of my customers.

This company was my heart and soul. I was the first one to come over and help get it all set up. I worked my ass off to help get it off the ground. I could make a list a mile long of the things I had done for them. That was why they had offered my partnership. It was my future and my life. I thought I would be there forever.

I don't think words can possibly describe what I've been feeling. I still wake up in the middle of the night and my chest feels like it's going to explode. At times I would find myself wanting to just hurt the people around me. I kept driving out to Galveston to find relief. Somehow the ocean can soothe a weeping soul.

I have a good friend who cares deeply for me. When she found out what happened to me, she was furious; who wouldn't be? She knew I was in no position to go out and look for anything, so she did it for me. She called people and talked to them and then once she found the doors I could walk through, had me call and set up the interviews.

The first interview I went on was the one I ended up taking. I'm in a good place. I don't want to talk about it too much, yet. But what I can say is that it's the equivalent of going from waiting tables at Chili's to being a Chef at Tony's And the men I'm meeting....OH MY GOD. I have to get a new "do" and get my nails done and everything.

I think when I get past the hurt and the anger, I'm going to be very happy here. My life is going to change dramatically over the next six months.

So, there you have it. That's what's been going on.

Where the Hell did GFT disappear to?

Ok, all, I'm terribly sorry. I've disappeared and I didn't mean to be gone so long. I've had a major bittersweet life changing event. I can't write about it now, so please come back later and I'll tell all.

Gros bisous!

The Story of Metisse - Finale

It had been several days since I had seen Metisse, so I gave up looking for her. Then, one morning as I was heading out the door, there she was on my doorstep. I was so very happy to see my little buddy. I brought her in and fed her. She appeared to be ok, nothing broken. When I went out to my car, I noticed my neighbor's van had returned. I think she somehow got into that van and that is why she had disappeared. I'll never know how far away she travelled.

Though I was delighted to have her back, the problem with the claws still remained. So after a great deal of agonizing, I decided to take her in and have them removed. It was the only way that we were going to have peace and harmony at home. So, back to the animal clinic I took her. This time, she did not trash her cage. They said she stayed pretty calm.

When I brought her home, she had bright neon green bandages that covered her paws and went up to her elbow. That first night, she insisted on sleeping on my chest with her paws crossed. The second night, she couldn't stand it anymore, she was trying to tear the bandages off of her feet. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself so I removed them. She didn't bother her feet once they were off. She still seemed to need to sleep close to me though.

Whenever one has their cat declawed, one of the requirements the vet makes is that for the first week the litter box be filled with shredded newspaper instead of litter. The litter hurts the cat's paws. After several days, I noticed that Metisse had not used the litter box and I could tell she had not gone anywhere in the apartment. By about the 5th or 6th day she started pacing all over my apartment. I could tell she did not like her litter box with newspaper. I didn't think she was going to be able to hold it much longer, so I put her and the litter box in the bathroom and shut the door. It didn't matter where she went in there, it would be very easy to clean up. After about an hour or so, she finally gave in.

Beyond this point life between the two of us went pretty harmoniously. I can't recall if my father passed away before or after I had her declawed; he actually passed away in December just before Christmas. He had lost his battle with cancer and I was dealt an overwhelmingly painful blow. If not for Metisse, I don't know what it would have been like for me. At one point, a friend renamed her: Metisse DeClawed.

During the following year, I was stalked by a guy who was a pilot for Continental Airlines. So, I ended up moving to another apartment; he continued to harrass me over the phone at work. The company I worked for outsorced my position and took away all of my benefits. Then, I met a guy at work who had a reputation for making girls fall hard for him and then pushing them away with equal force. I didn't know this when I met him, and he got hold of me twice; I almost ended up committing suicide that year.

Somehow as the year progressed, I began to find strength but it was a very slow process. I still had not come to terms with my father's death and I was struggling trying to find some sort of closure that would allow me to move on with my life.
Towards the end of the year, I started to read the Celestine Prophecies. And was beginning to explore ways to heal.

My brother lived in Alberquerque N.M. so I decided to visit him during the Christmas Holidays. I stayed about 2 weeks, my sister took care of Metisse while I was away. I kept making my brother drive me up into the mountains. I seemed to be able to find a great deal of solice and peace while in the mountains. Then, on the final night of my stay, my father came to me in a dream and we talked. I was able to finally get the closure I needed and could finally move on.

When I got home, my sister told me that Metisse didn't eat much, I assumed she missed me. I also noticed that Metisse seemed pretty insistant on sleeping with me, again, I thought she had just missed me. By that weekend, she stopped eating and on Sunday, I took her to an emergency clinic to see what was wrong. The checked her and told me that she had feline leukemia and it was in it's final stages. She only had about 24 hours left. They gave her a fluid pack to keep her sustained.

I couldn't believe it. So I decided to take her to another vet for a second opinion the next day. Sure enough, she was terminally ill and I had to put her down that very day. I cried so hard I thought I was going to be sick. I had never been so attached to an animal in my life, and though I love my pets now, it isn't the same as what I had with Metisse. She was a very special kitty. I'm sure my father's death and the pain I endured throughtout the year probably contributed some to my reaction.

My mother had a boyfriend at the time. He called me and told me to bring her to my mother's house and he would have a place ready to bury her. I stayed with the vet while she put her down. It was very difficult to do but I kept thinking about the time that Metisse thought I had abandonned her and I wasn't going to do it that day. Once they were finished, I took her and buried her.

Friends and family sent sympathy cards and made phone calls offering condolences; they knew how attached I was. She was such a sweet kitty and I don't think I'm every going to find another one like her again. I think of her often and am so glad I had her when I did, she made a difficult year much better for me I just wish I had been able to keep her for a while longer.

The Story of Metisse - Part 1

Back, in 1994 I lived in a little efficiency on the Southwest side of Houston. It was actually the very first time I had my own place in my own name without any roommates. The apartment was in a scary part of town and I always worried that one night a bullet was going to pass through my bedroom window while I was sleeping.

The month was October and my father was several months into his battle against cancer. It was late one evening about 9:00 and outside, I heard a heard a kitty meowing below my window. I went outside and I found a kitten that appeared to be about 6 or 7 months old. She really, really wanted a home and from the looks of her, she appeared to have been abandonned. I thought she was cute so I brought her in to see if it would work.

I had a litter box already from a previous stray I brought in but who could not be house broken so I pulled it out again to see how she did. She used it immediately. Upon closer inspection I noticed that one of her eyes was clouded so I assumed she was blind in that eye. Eventually it cleared up. There was something in her behavior, too, that led me to believe that she was extremely grateful to me for giving her a home.

Now, since I was 16 years old, I had wanted a Himalayan. I had read about them and decided that breed was the breed for me. I knew I didn't want two cats so I decided to put the Himalayan on hold and take in the new kitty. She really needed me. After a few days, I decided it was time to name her.

The kitty's markings were such that she appeared to be a cross between a grey tabby and an orange tabby. To me, she was a "half-breed". So, I looked the word up in a french dictionary and the their word is "metisse". I liked the word and so decided that would be her name. It is not to be confused with Matisse the artist, though he could very well be "metisse".

Metisse also had very short front legs which later led me to believe she may have been part or whole munchkin. Her personality certainly seemed to fit.

I had never encountered a cat like Metisse in terms of affection. She seemed to love me as much as she loved her toys and as I moved about my tiny little place, she would follow, toys in tow. Her absolute favorite was a cosmetic brush I had decided to discard. One day, while tooling around my apartment, she followed me with her brush and dropped it. I picked it up and tossed it into the bedroom area. She immediately ran for it and brought to me to toss again. This kitty loved playing fetch.

When I took her in to be spayed, I had to leave her with the vet overnight. I bought a carrier just for her and then took her to the nearest animal hospital. When I went to pick her up after the procedure, the vet assistant told me that as soon as I left the hospital, Metisse threw a fit in her carrier. She thrashed around and over turned her food and water bowls. They told me that they think she behaved this way because she thought I had abandonned her. I felt so bad that she had reacted that way and agonized over it.

Sometime after I brought her home, she started to enjoy our nap time together. On weekends when I would take afternoon naps, she would lie on her back along my side and she would rest her head on my shoulder. When it was time to wake up, she would give me little teeth hugs on the cheeck. I had never experienced an animal with this much affection.

Metisse had one big problem, though. She didn't know how to manage her claws. In her playful ways, as I was walking to the front door, she would run up behind me and swat at the back of my legs. I think I would go through 7 or 8 pairs of panty hose a week. And she didn't know to retract them when we played. And then, she wouldn't use her scratch post. I was growing very frustrated with her, so in a fit of anger one day, I put her outside.

After a couple of hours, I called for her. She didn't show up. I kept calling and calling and she didn't return. I stayed up way into the night waiting for her and still, no Metisse. The next day, I wandered throughout the complex looking for her. I would have knocked on my neighbor's door to see if he had seen her but his van was gone, so I knew he wasn't around. I was sick thinking maybe she had been hit by a car or that she thought I didn't want her anymore. I didn't know what I was going to do of if I would ever see her again.

The Story of Little Bear - Part 3

Dawn, clever Dawn, suggested I put a call into maintenance and claim that I have a bad leak in the sink and my kitchen floor is flooding. Then once they arrive, I could fess up and tell them the truth.

I didn't know what else to do, so, I did exactly what she suggested and had them paged. Thankfully, the maintenance guy me called instead of showing up. He would have been pissed since it was 10:30 by this time. I fessed up and explained to him my situation. He was really nice about it. He told me to do whatever necessary to expand the hole and get the cat out. They could come in the next day and seal it up for me so it wouldn't happen again.

I doubled the size of the hole and waited for Bear to reapper. It took him about 20 minutes to come back but he wouldn't come back through the hole. He just sat there, all I could see was his face. So, I reached through and pulled him through it myself. He didn't seem to be too happy about it but boy was I relieved to have him back.

Judy called the next evening and we talked for a long time. Her story was that her son and daughter-in-law divorced and the son was living in California. She was going to fly over to join him but had stuff in storage in Houston. She had to get tickets to fly and didn't have the money yet. She left a number where I could contact her so a few days later I called it and left a message for her to call me back.

A woman called me instead and told me she was the Director of the house where Judy was staying. Apparently, Judy was staying in a home designed for women in transition. One stays there for about $400/mo and the place helps women make whatever changes they are going through. They require some volunteer work in return. She told me that Judy would disappear for long periods of time, skipping her volunteer work and show up odd times. She asked me if I thought Judy was an alcoholic.

I didn't know Judy that well. I was just taking care of her cat but I could tell something was wrong. Judy left that house eventually and called me from some place else. To my knowledge she was receiving social security checks and was living off of them. She had one excuse after another for why she couldn't go to California just yet and asked me to just keep watching Bear. It seemed as though she would find a place to stay and then move on a month later.

This lasted for about three or four months and then she just stopped calling me. I think she's homeless. I offered to send her money but she wouldn't take it. If I lived in a house, I probably would have offered her a room.

In hindsight, I'm not sure her son is in California; though she has been consistent with the story, even with the Director of the first place she stayed. I thought maybe he passed away and she just hasn't dealt with it. Many things have gone through my head regarding her plight but I don't think I'll ever really know.

I just know that if I were in her same shoes, I would find great comfort knowing that someone like me was taking care of my pets.

Bear has grown on me and Mimi, too. He has a few querky ways which I'll share in another post. He is one of the sweetest kitties I've ever met and I absolutely adore him. Most times he just sits facing me with his eyes closed. He can never seem to keep them open. Inevitably, wherever I am in my apartment, he is only a foot or so away.

Ah, I am going to get a digital camera very soon so I can start posting some photos.

The Story of Little Bear - Part 2

When I got to my apartment, I set Bear's carrier, with him in it, in the farthest corner of my apartment and opened it. I didn't know how he is going to respond to my other cat, Mimi, so I gave each the farthest corners of my apartment. Very similar to the corners that boxers retreat to in the ring. I anticipated a cat fight, so to speak.

Bear explored while Mimi sat perched on her thrown, the nicest pillow I have on top of my bead. She growled when he entered the bedroom, so he retreated back to his designated area where I had also prepared a litter box, food and water. I gave Mimi her own stuff in my bedroom. I shut the door and went to bed.

I knew Mimi wouldn't look for trouble and Bear seemed to understand the boundaries, so the next morning, I allowed Bear full reign of the apartment. Off to work I went hoping that the two would make nice with one another and be friends.

When I came home from work that night, I couldn't find Bear. I looked everywhere: behind the sofa, under the sofa, in dresser drawers, closets, under tables and desks, behind tables and desks. He was NOT in my apartment. As I was standing in my kitchen trying to think where he could have gone, I saw his little mouse toy just outside the cabinet under the sink. He must have been carrying it around while I was away and found something more interesting.

I opened the cabinet thinking I had solved the problem. He wasn't there. The pipes under the sink did go through a rather large hole to who knows where. I wondered, "could Bear really squeeze through that hole?". Then I saw the clumps of his hair along the edges of the hole. He did squeeze through and I had no idea where that hole lead to. I was panic sricken, looking for mirrors and a flashlight to see if I could see behind the hole.

I was able to get a pretty good glance but I could not see him anywhere. By the way, there are three really nice blushes back there because I kept dropping whatever mirror I could fit into the hole. The only way he could have wandered to from there was to my next door neighbor and that was it. So I ran next door.

This is the very first time I met Dawn. What a sweety. She dropped everything she was doing grabbed her own flashlight and came over. We determined that he could not go beyond our two apartments and so we headed back to my place. As she was standing in my kitchen I was frantically telling her how Bear got here. And what the hell was I going to tell Judy? I lost Bear the first night he was in my home.

As I was standing there, we both looked down at the hole and there was Bear behind it, just sitting there. He wouldn't come back through. I'm not sure he could have because where he was was lower than from where he came. He didn't have gravity on his side to pull through. He was right there and there was nothing I could do.

The Story of Little Bear - Part 1

About three years ago, Suzy, an American living somewhere in the UK wanted more than anything to acquire a chocolate brown pursian. She contacted every breeder in the land looking for one. During the process, she rubbed one of them the wrong way. And that breeder told all the other breeders not to let Suzy have one of their kittens. Not to be discouraged, Suzy created an alias for herself and after a few inquiries successfully acquired one. One that she named Bear.

Bear came to be somewhere in Ireland. He had soft chocolate brown fur and round golden eyes. Suzy brought him home and made him her own. A few months later, Suzy's husband's job brought them back to the states. So Bear moved from the UK to the US, a transition that was easy enough. Only having been in the States a few months, the husband was being sent on to Australia. Not wanting Bear to have to go through such extenuous quarantine procedures Suzy asked her mother-in-law, Judy, to take him for a while. So, off Suzy and her husband went and Bear stayed with Judy.

About two summers ago, Judy came into my life as a customer. She was looking for a very small place to stay until she could join her son in Australia. She hadn't decided yet when or if she was going to go. She really just wanted to visit and expressed to me that she didn't know what she was going to do with Bear, her kitty. I liked Judy and I thought she was a very nice person, so I volunteered to be Bear's keeper in the event she decided to visit. Judy, didn't take me up on that offer.

Later, in February of last year, Judy contacted me and requested that I take Bear for just a few weeks. As she put it, she was in a "bind". That same evening, I met her at an Extended Stay off I-10. When I arrived, Judy was standing outside her door with her bags and management standing beside her. I believe she was being asked to leave. Judy was proud and wouldn't tell me what her situation was, she just needed me to take Bear off her hands for a while. She wouldn't even let me give her a ride.

So, in a sense of desperation, she handed me his carrier, his food and toys, and his medical papers. I wondered as I drove away if Bear was going to be a permanent or temporary part of my life.

About me

I Am:A little sister and a big sister; a daughter and an aunt. A beacon to some, a friend to others, a rival to few. I am someone who holds a deep respect for the things that the human mind can accomplish, I value a hard lesson learned, and I take very little for granted. I am someone who treasures anything that helps me achieve happiness and personal freedom. I am someone who both appreciates and is enslaved by my independence. I fight depression; I can't help but see a silver lining. I am sometimes insecure. I am the Queen of Wands.

I WANT: sincere friendships and a true connection with a man. I want a house with a yard, hardwood floors, and a porch. I want a family. I want to know that it isn't too late to reach my full potential. I want to be able to paint and play the violin without feeling like it has to be perfect; to be able to do it all for the sheer pleasure of it. I want to be enough.

I WISH: for inner peace. I wish I could wipe away the past. I wish my little brother and I were closer. I wish I had an easier childhood.

I HATE: My mother. I haven't seen or spoken to her for almost six years. She stood between me and my siblings, between me and my father, between me and my friends and boyfriends. She undermined everything that offered me opportunity for personal growth and success. I hate that my parents tore into each other throughout my childhood.

I MISS: A certain child who was the daughter of a man I loved; I miss her father. I miss being 14. I miss West Texas. I miss my 944. I miss my drowsy doll.

I FEAR: Being misunderstood, dismissed and unworthy.

I HEAR: The music from Cathy's blog, my a/c, my own breath, Little Bear cleaning himself, cars outside my window.

I WONDER: How people see me. If I will be satisfied during the last moments of my life. I wonder what my cockatoo thinks most of the time. I wonder who I might have been in another life and if I'll recycle through again. I wonder what my pets do when I'm not around. I wonder how different my life would be if I had married the guy who proposed to me in college.

I REGRET: Having taken so long to move on from someone who betrayed me, giving my heart to men who didn't deserve it, taking the wrong job at Andersen Consulting, selling my 944. I regret having allowed myself to grow away from my younger brother.

I’M Not: A cold or insensitive person. I am not altruistic.

I DANCE: with Little Bear.

I SING:In the shower, when a song is stuck in my head, when i know the words. I sing to annoy a colleague.

I CRY:When I think about the dead ends I vested so much of myself into. I cry when I realize my life isn't anything I thought it would be. I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeover. I cry when I hear the song Honey. I cry at the opera. I cry less often than I used to.

I AM NOT ALWAYS:As together and strong as some see me. I am not always optimistic.

I Make: The most out of my life. I make things happen. I make macaroni and cheese a lot.

I WRITE: To purge, to express myself, to try to be understood, to define myself and my universe.

I CONFUSE:Work relationships with friendships sometimes. I confuse weekdays with weekends sometimes.

I NEED: A man in my life who will take the time to know me and be patient enough to allow me to know him. I need loyalty from those to whom I am loyal.

I HAVE: so much to be thankful for.

I LOVE: Rainy days, Thanksgiving Day, sleeping in on Sundays, going to baseball games with my older brother, the man who owns our business, Little Bear, Musetta and Mimi (my pets), chocolate, a good laugh, my younger brother, sundresses and strappy high-heeled sandles, convertables, music, Sunday Brunch with friends, sincerity, a warm bath on a cold day, to sleep in a cold room under lots of blankets, sleeping with a man in the spoon position. I love someone whose name I will not say. I love flowers.

I SHOULD Let him go. Forgive my mother.

La vie en rose!

My friend, Dennis, and I had a wonderful dinner together at a restaurant here in Houston called Cafe Montrose. It is a delightful little authentic Belgian restaurant. The food is very tasty and very, well, Belgian. And our waiter was soooo cute. And yes, he was authentic too. I just didn't get the opportunity to inquire as to whether he was Belgian or French. The French LOVE to make fun of the Belgians. Belgians are the butt of their jokes as Aggies are the butt of our jokes.

My closing on the fourplex was the 23rd. Everything went soooo smoothly. I would hope that all my future closings could be so easy. I deposited the check today and then immediately wrote checks to Mastercard. :( I ended up striking a nice friendship with buyer and will be having lunch with her next week. I'm really looking forward to it, she is such a nice lady.

I had the final meeting this evening with the developer we will be partnering with. Everything went really smoothly there, too. The president of our company feels comfortable with me, so he let me fly solo. I was able to close the deal on my own. And I was able to negotiate an acceptable deal for all parties.

So, this evening's meal was half celebration - half closure on an almost perfect day. What wasn't perfect about it? I don't know, I'm just afraid to call it perfect....

It's Taylor Hicks Baby!

I think that McPhee is a great singer, but Taylor Hicks has that je ne sais quois about him that makes him rock! He is so talented AND sexy. It's the eyes. He's someone I would want to go to see in concert and watch on t.v.

I think he is soooo fantabulous!

So, anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Goodbye Sydney Bristow

Well, tonight was the final episode of Alias. I remember when I saw the first episode way back when. I think it was the first episode. Her hair was pink. I'm not sure if that was the first one or not but it was my first one. I think I had my T.V. for just a month or so.

I'm really sort of depressed and sad that it's over. I loved the characters: her father, Sloan, her mother, Marshall, Dixon, Vaughn, Sark .... all of them. Yes, even the evil ones. That's what I liked about the series; the same people stayed part of it throughout the years to the very end.

I just cannot believe it's over. I'll miss it.

Houston is going Wireless

I was scrolling through blogs this evening, specifically those blogs that are Houston related and came across one that stated that Houston is going to go wireless.

Our mayor, Bill White, who I love and adore is promoting a wireless plan for all of Houston. He has a real challenge on his hands, this is a big big city. Apparently the rollout is going to cover 600 square miles! This will be the biggest rollout ever. Can anyone spell ambition?

Apparently Houstonians will have to pay a "small fee" for the service. I wonder if it is something we will be billed for whether we use it or not...

It's getting pretty scary how dependent on technology we've become.

I asked a colleague the other day if he went to bed tonight and then woke up the next day and discovered it was 1985, how would he react? Would he go nuts without his e-mail and cell phone? I wonder if I would? I didn't even have an answering machine back then. No call notes. Of course, I would do the OBVIOUS. And that would be that I would invest every nickel and dime I had in Microsoft & Apple. And then later, in Enron, too. Hell yeah, and then sell like hell in 2000.

So anyway, I think it's sort of cool we're going wireless.

Oh, and here's the article

Break from the airwaves

Ok, so from 1993 to 2001 I did not have a T.V. I had a sony watchman that I pulled out on special occasions. It was black and white and had a screen the size of a CD cover.

What did I do with all that time when I didn't have a T.V.? I read. I went out...yes, even on a school nite. SHOCK! I painted. I did things. My mind was quicker and more alert. I was creative.

So, I think that after the season finale of Desperate Housewives and American Idol, I'm turning it off. I would actually, physically remove it from my dwelling but I need it for DVD's. I have a portable DVD player, but I don't want to watch movies on a tiny screen.

I can be gluttonous about things sometimes. T.V. is one of those things I can be over indulgent on. And really, it contributes nothing to me except give me an opportunity to relate to colleagues and others who watch their favorite show. I think I've seen only a handful of Seinfeld episodes and Friends.

It was Alias that got me hooked. Now I'm bored with it. I didn't think I'd ever say that. This last season they kept switching the days around and interrupting the season to introduce new programs so I lost track and missed episodes.

Maybe, just maybe, if I can train myself well enough, I won't get back into it when the season picks up again in the Fall. And if I want to see T.V., I can go out to a bar or something and see it. I might not be able to hear it but I can see it.

Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colours from our sight.
Red is grey and yellow white.
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion.
Moody Blues, Days of Future Past, 1967

I wanna go play

I really need some play time. The president of our company is taking the day off and going to Galveston with his family. I wanna go, too. Actually, I could go but I'd just end up going alone and that sort of sucks.

My friend that took me shooting the other day has a gorgeous Harley. I'm gonna see what he's up to this weekend and see if I can hook a ride. It might actually be sort of fun to do if we can hit some biker bars. I could not see me as a biker bitch. Although, it would sort of be fun to pretend :). I could get a temporary snake & cross tattoo for my arm. I just don't have any leather. And I'm so pasty white!

I've tried hanging out at Sam's Boat a couple of times but I think it is so obviously not my crowd that I stand out like a sore thumb. I thought it might improve when I had my Boxster but I just can't hide the goody two-shoes in me. I did have a bad-boy boyfriend once and we would hang out there. I actually had a lot of fun with him 'till I found out he had a girlfriend in prison he was involved with. That really sucked.

I skipped school one time with my friend. We were seniors in high school and it was the first time ever that I skipped class. The principal pulled me into his office demanding who I was with. I caved like a soufflé. I think back to that day a lot and wished that I hadn't given in. It was one day. The only day, ever, and we had so much fun.

And today. I really thought it might be nice to just sleep in until 10:00. I could do it, I'm an "independent contractor" but the guilt! The stupid guilt that drives me to work so damned hard. Well, that and the fact that I want to buy a house next year. Can't get the house if all I do is snooze.

And then, there is this pending sale. I close on the 23rd. The check is going right into my bank and then right to my credit cards. It'll be a good thing to pay them off but I want to play! I want to do something fun with the money! I can take some of it and do something for myself. I'll probably buy some shoes. I'd like a digital camera, too. We'll see.

I miss my Boxster. Today would have been a great day to have it.

My take on Grey's Anatomy

Oh, where do I begin. First of all, I love the complexities of these all of these characters.

Christine, in my opinion, is the most complex and has the greatest deal. She is smart and driven. I see her as being extremely vulnerable and that is why she is so cold. Her love for Burke overwhelms her and I think she believes it stands in the way of her being able to achieve the things she believes she is supposed to achieve. She has an extremely intelligent, sensitive, patient man for a boyfriend. Additionally, she's a slob; this means she struggles with the mundane and wants to use her time and energy enjoying the more interesting things in life. I can relate to that. It's so easy to solve -- hire a maid.

Izzy. I have to say that she really grew on me this season. So far, she's my favorite character. I could so see myself doing what she did. I could see myself becoming so intense and blind-sighted about what I thought was the right thing to do. I think that was why I grew so anxious about what she was doing. I loved Danny. I think he had a fabulous sense of humor. A man with a sense of humor, in my book, is an intelligent man. So, I was really drawn to that in him. I was disappointed that they ended it with his death.

George and Callie are ok. I think their relationship is interesting but it doesn't have the deep undercurrents that exist between Christine and Burke. I am curious to see how it evolves.

I'm sick of Meredith and Derek. I do like Adison. Adison, to me, is all woman and is someone I would very much like to be. She's seasoned, she is in control of her actions and she knows why she is there. And though she may have some insecurities about herself and Derek, she's a very self-confident woman. She IS the Queen of Wands. I think Meredith has a lot of maturing to do and the fact that Derek would choose Meredith over Adison is beyond me. If Derek is a man in his own right then Meredith is not for him. She is not a woman yet. (Christine is more woman than Meredith, in my opinion). If Derek is not to be with Adison, then he needs to be with a woman of Adison's calibur.

Ok, those are my thoughts on Grey's Anatomy.

I'm a type 7

I spent Saturday at a workshop that helped define personality types based on the Enneagram personality typing system. You can find more information on it at here. From there, you can go to the enneagram worldwide link and actually register to take the test and get more information.

The couple who bought my fourplex invited me to attend this workshop. It was fantastic. I learned so much about myself and about the personalities I clash with and why.

I proposed to the hostess of the shop that we start an Enneagram singles group. I think it would be awesome. She really liked the idea, so it's just a matter of whether I can squeeze it in and commit to it.

We'll see.

I gave blood

I was representing our company at a "wellness event" a company was holding for all of it's employees. What does Real Estate have to do with wellness? It doesn't, I was invited because the head of HR got hold of one of our marketing toys and liked it. She wanted me to hand them out at this event. So, I spun it and called it a "stress releaver". We take the stress out of finding a place to live.

St. Luke's Hospital had a small place set up with 4 beds for blood donors. I've never donated before, the thought scares the hell out of me. I decided it was time to do it and get over it. I may need a transfusion one day.

When I was in college I had a Swedish guy in a lot of my business classes. He was an arrogant SOB and was attending school on an American Scholarship; he played soccor. One time we were discussing donating blood. He said he would never donate blood because he didn't to risk it ever going to an American. I really didn't like that guy very much. My friend ended up marrying him and seemed to be happy enough. I wonder how they're doing now.

Bad News, Good News

Awe, Mandy didn't make it. I thought for sure that she would have made it. I think it was an important source for networking for her. She was going to be able to meet a lot of people and build her business through these connections. I haven't seen her since noon today. I hope she comes in the office tomorrow but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't.

Now for the GOOOD NEWS! I sold the duplex I had listed! I sold it in just under two weeks. Nice chunk of change, too. I'm going to invest a lot of it in the business, though.

Lurkers and Loyal Readers - Please help

To everyone who comes across my blog, I'm calling on you to do me a favor.

We have a new agent in our office who also happens to be one of the three finalists vying for the 35th position on the Houston Texans Cheerleading squad. Apparently, the Texans decided to do something different this year; they are going to let us decide who gets the last spot. You don't have to live in Houston to vote.

Mandy is really a very high energy, hard working, fun girl to be around. Even the NFL Cheerleader Blog is pulling for her.

From now to May 10th, VOTE. You can vote at the following: www.abc13.com

Let's give Mandy a second chance to do her thing for the Texans!

Thanks.

To take or not to take.

I have a fourplex for sale inside the loop. I have to accompany showings, so any time another realtor wants to show, I have to be there. Yesterday I met a Realtor and his customer at the property so he could show it to her.

I had never walked through to the back of the property but apparently, there is a grapefruit tree in the back. And it had many grapefruits ready for the picking. The residents said they never really eat the fruit, apparently it isn't that good. I suspect the tree probably needs plant food to produce sweet fruit but I'm not really sure.

So after they toured the property, I noticed that they helped themselves to the fruit. I think he took two and his client took four. The owner doesn't live on the property, so the owner doesn't know. And I know that the owner wouldn't care, either. But these people just assumed it was ok to take the fruit without asking me. I don't know how I feel about this. What do you think?

Thinking about getting a gun.

I spent the day with my right-winged gun carrying friend. He's a real fan of glocks, the gun of choice for the police force. He has about 6 of them and a 45 as well. He wanted me to get a feel for them and spent about 2 hours discussing safety and rules, etc.

I'm considering purchasing a handgun and then later getting a license to carry. The Glock I tried was Glock 19, I tried a smaller one which I thought I would like a lot but the trigger response on the 19 was really nice. Just as I was getting into it, he handed me his 45 to try. Wow, that's a powerful piece.

I'm really happy with the results of my efforts. From only about 9 feet away, I missed the target about the first 10 rounds. Then I started to get a feel for it. We must have gone through about 3 - 4 hundred rounds between the two of us. By the end, I was able to hit the target at 40 feet.

I'm really concerned about this avian flu that is going to hit us. And I don't know if I'm on track or not but I anticipate some chaos. I think that it is anticipated that we are going to lose approximately 30% of the workforce. It will be a while before I make the purchase and I plan to do a lot of shooting practice before I actually go for the license.

We'll see.

Immigration issues - bird flu

I've been thinking a lot about the push for immigration reform. I realize it isn't anything new but the White House seems to be pushing hard for a resolution and they seem to need one pretty quickly.

I think the impending bird flu virus has something to do with this. If this flu turns out to be anything like the Spanish Flu, we are in for some really bad days ahead. I suspect, the U.S. can't help everyone and we need to clear out those that aren't supposed to be here. Once the virus hits, people are going to try to flood our borders seeking medical assistance.

This evening, a customer shared with me a conference call he had with his company that was focused around HR concerns regarding the bird flu virus. They are anticipating how much of their work force is going to be hit and how it's going to affect their business.

I'm trying to imagine what it's going to be like when it hits. It's sort of like the way we all anticipated Hurricane Rita. We knew it was coming but it seemed so surreal. It hit, then we dealt with it. Except we were lucky and weren't hit so badly as we thought. Will bird flu be like that? Will it hit and turn out to be less than we thought?

The mortality rate in birds is close to 50%, I think some report it to be has high as 75%. I think they anticipate that rate to be around 2% among humans. That can be low if the percentage of the population it hits is low. But 2% could be a lot if the virus can affect a majority of the population. I suspect chaos and we will be extremely vulnerable to our enemies.

I hear we, the U.S., are bringing in nurses, and probably doctors, from all over the world. We're stocking up!

Yeah, the more I consider the issue the more I think this is the driving force behind immigration reform and why Bush wants to make it a felony to be here illegally. In light of this, I think I support him on this.

Gone yesterday, here today

Last year, in February, I went to visit my sister in Washington D.C. I brought with me, for some reason, one of my favorite rings. It's a gold ring with garnet and onyx and two diamond studs. I love red and black and wear the colors often so I really like that ring. However, I rarely wear the ring itself, I'm just not a jewelry person so I keep it in it's jewelry box.

When I came home from my vacation, I found a note in my apartment that stated that the maintenace guys would be coming into all of our apartments the next day to change out the filters and replace batteries in our smoke alarm. My place was a mess and I didn't have time to clean up.

So, a couple of days later I finished unpacking and putting things away and I couldn't find the ring anywhere. I looked all over the place. I couldn't remember if I even wore it on my way home and decided to call my sister in case I left it there. Nope, not there. Reluctantly I concluded that one of the guys who came through my apartment took it.

Early this month, a note was posted on my door that maintenance would be coming through to change filters and batteries in smoke alarms. I was really stressed by it. But now, my apartment is much cleaner so it's harder to take something without immediately noticing it.

The morning that were scheduled to come into my apartment my maid was cleaning. I told her they were coming and it would be ok to let them in, I was just glad she was going to be here. It's a lot more difficult to get away with stealing if someone is around to catch you doing it.

When I got home the ring was sitting on my night stand. Wow, what a shock. Did my maid find it or was someone's conscious bothering them and they decided to return the ring?

I finally had a moment to ask my maid. She told me she found it...under the bed of course. I was actually very relieved to know that one of the guys DID not steal it. I like them and want to feel comfortable about them coming into my apartment.

Anyway, it's a happy ending.

Oh where o where could she be

So, it's been a very long time since I've posted anything. Sorry ya'll.

About two or three weeks ago I went to the Round Top Market with my neighbor and I bought a few things. One of the most significant purchases is a dress form. I have been owanting one for some time but they are sooo expensive. I've priced them at $300. At the market I found one for $85. Granted, it's used, but it fits my measurements. It's actually slightly bigger, but that's fine. I love to sew dresses and I want them to fit me properly.

I've done about 11 blocks on my quilt. That leaves me about 19 to go. I hope he have it finished by the end of the summer.

My new office is coming along. We had a local devloper approach us to sell their new town homes for them. We are still in the negotiation phase but it looks very promising. This is a very good campaign with which we can launch our company.

I'm still doing my Sunday brunch every other Sunday. Today, we went to Farrago's. What a noisy place. And it seemed that people at the tables around us were spilling their water! (better that than their cookies....he he ). The food was really good but it seemed that we had to yell across the table to be heard. It's a good thing we were a small group today.

Ok, so now ya'll know I'm still very much alive and well. I'll try not to wait so long to post.

Better Days

I'm back on the name brand version of Dostinex. I feel much better.

It's about 9:00, I just got in from work about 30 minutes ago. I'm worn out, I'll have to post later.

Ciao Baby.

Generic Meds - Revised

Well, I've improperly explained the difference between the name brand and the generic drugs. I'm on the right path but the explanation is off. Here's what the FDA says.

"FDA still uses the plus-or-minus-twenty-percent test to determine blood serum bioavailability (i.e., the amount of active ingredient in the blood over a period of time has to come within plus-or-minus twenty percent of that which is observed when the innovator’s drug is ingested)" From: Overview of the Hatch-Waxman Act and Its Impact on the Drug Development Process

Generic meds

I have about 30 minutes of quiet time, so I decided to post something that's been pressing me lately.

As some of you know, I am currently taking a medication, Dostinex, to get my prolactin level in check. And as all of you are aware, there is such a thing as generic medication. I've learned a lot about generic meds and it isn't exactly the way it's presented to us by pharmacies and insurance companies.

The first month I was on Dostinex, I felt great. Dostinex, if I understand correctly affects the dopamine level in the brain. After my first month, I decided to go to the generic brand. My doctor frowns on generic but I begged him and he complied, provided I come in for a blood test to be sure it is working. Within the first week of being on the generic brand, I have felt really depressed. I thought it was because I was going get my "monthly visitor" but even after I was depressed. I'm still depressed. So, I'm going to switch back to see if it changes.

So, how are generic drugs different you ask....

Well, the active ingredient is identical. It's the dosage that varies. The FDA says that as long as the bioavailability of the drug is within 20% + or - the stated dosage, then it can be approved. What that means is if you have a bottle of 100 mg of Anaprox, you will actually have 100 mg (give or take 1 or 2 %) but 100 mg of naproxin may actually be 80 mg or 120 mg.

The pharmacy actually puts out for bids so whichever drug manufacturer offers the best deal, the pharmacy buys. What that means is that when you get your generic drug one month, the next month it could be from a different place. And, since I'm paying cash for this stuff, I'm not insured, I noticed that the generic version was really only slightly less than the brand version. The pharmacy makes a lot off the generic brand. The price it high enough to make a good profit but make it just low enough to entice you to buy it instead of the brand name.

I will let you guys know how I feel when I go back onto the name brand version of dostinex.

Checking in

Sorry I've taken so long to post something. My life just has not been that interesting lately. Or rather, maybe nothing has come across my plate interesting enough to write about it.

I've been working on my quilt, I have 6 blocks done leaving 24 to complete. At this pace I'll be done with it in time for next winter.

My sunday brunch was held at Backstreet Cafe today. What a gorgeous day this was. I love our Sunday brunches!

Nothing else to post right now.....

Out with the girls....so to speak.

The owner of our company flew in last week from Palm Springs and hung out with us for a few days. Then on Friday, he took all of us out to dinner at Baba Yagas.

Then, after dinner, we sort of just wandered into one of the bars in the immediate area. Well, the bars in the immediate area all gay bars. There's South Beach, JR's, and Mining Company, all of which are only about 100 feet from each other. We chose JR's. He and two other male colleagues are gay. All the women in the office are straight so when we all go out, it may as well be "girls night".

It's a very strange thing to go into a bar where the men oggle one another. Of course, lesbians are welcome here, too, but really it's mostly men. Then scattered throughout the bar are boxes where a man will stand in a speedo or something and sort of dance to the music. I say sort of dance because really, they don't do a great job of it. One guy just sort of stood there and swayed with the music. Another at least had some interesting moves.

Then, there's the restroom. In the ladies room, there were only 2 stalls. I wonder if the men's room had more since there were so many men there. On the outside of the stall there reads a sign that says "no more than one person in stall at a time". I thought that was sort of interesting.

I actually enjoyed the experience but I think I would have preferred a place where we danced.

Another really addictive game

Escapa

Darth Vader plays 20 Questions

Now for your entertainment, go here and play 20 questions with Darth Vader. Sound makes it more fun but isn't necessary to play.

**** It has come to my attention this link is no longer valid. But Subservient Chicken still plays! :)

Darth Vader Summons YOU

Command the Chicken

A quilting we will go

Hi ho the dairy-o.....

Yay!!! I'm so excited. I am now officially at the quilting part.

So, let the clock begin......

tick tock tick tock

Quilting

I'm going to have to wait until Sunday to really get into my quilt. I have to work today. Tonight, I'll probably have the back piece sewn and ready. My goal for Sunday is to get it all done so I can start the actual quilting. Really, that's the simple part, I just sit in front of the TV and sew. Since this is my first one, I don't plan on quilting any sort of intricate design.

I bought a quilt hoop since I don'thave one of those big quilt frames.

If I had a digital camera, I'ld take photos of the steps. I'll get one before I begin my next quilting project. I have a great idea, too for my next one but I don't want to reveal it yet....so, stay tuned.

Next phase

I went to the quilting store this afternoon and bought the remaining material I need to complete my quilt. The woman there was soooo friendly and she took the time to answer my questions. I'm excited to finally be at this level.

I have to create my backpiece, then lay down the batting and top piece. Then comes the long grueling part.....the actual quilting. Since this is my first attempt at quilting, I'm not using my machine. I'm doing it by hand. I made the comment that I can se this thing being complete by the end of the month. She laughed.

I guess I won't be done with it as quickly as I thought.

So, what exactly did women do before the ruling?

(This page is viewed at least 6 times a day - it is my sincere hope that viewers are researching for information purposes only and not that they are in a desperate situation to abort a pregnancy.  It isn't that I'm against abortion as much as I am empathetic to the party who finds themself this difficult and painful situation.)

I was born in 1963, so for me, though it hasn't been a piece of cake working my way in this world as a single woman, there are many things I had that weren't available to women until I was born. For example, when I was 17, I was able to obtain birth control pills without my parent's consent. I could get the medical help I needed. Since abortion has been legal for all but 10 years of my life, the only time abortion comes up is when the Religious Right is screaming about it. So, I did some research. I wanted to know what women did before it was legal. Below is what I found.

My source is a very very interesting and informative report that was written in 1998. It was a case study and the author followed the lives/stories of several women. The study discusses how they got pregnant, what they knew and understood about sexuality and then how each one attempted to terminate her pregnancy. If you would like to read the article/study in it's entirety here is a link. The article is titled: No Choice

Statistics say that 40% of all women will end a pregnancy by abortion(link).

So, here is what it was like:

The Techniques of Illegal Abortion

"Many women in these stories first tried one or more traditional folk recipes, such as taking laxatives or castor oil or douching with potassium permanganate, to bring on a miscarriage. Nancy’s experience was typical: “I tried all the things I knew — hot baths and gin, jumping down stairs, scrubbing floors, carrying heavy things up stairs, taking quinine, punching my stomach — nothing worked.” Such attempts were miserably unsuccessful. Ursula describes how she tried to induce a miscarriage: “I drank a bottle of quinine and I didn’t know if I was standing on my head or my feet. Quinine and gin and I got into a hot mustard bath and nothing — you suffer, mentally and physically.”

There were a couple of successful exceptions, however. It is perhaps such exceptions that account for the fact that folk remedies continued to be passed on. Nicola aborted after taking a patent medicine called “Silver Pills” — a purgative. And Gillian attributed her mother’s abortion to quinine.

The abortion method most commonly described by the women involved the insertion of a foreign object into the cervix: slippery elm bark, a knitting needle, a ballpoint pen, a hard rubber catheter, a douche nozzle or some kind of “sharp instrument.” In one method, the inserted object was left there, held in place by gauze packing which plugged the vagina. In a variation on this method, a solution was introduced into the uterus through the catheter or nozzle. These same basic methods were used both by abortionists and by women on themselves. Here is Andrea’s description of the method she used to self-induce an abortion:

One should do it ten days before the next period. One needs an enema with the thin nozzle, warm soapy water (carbolic soap), Dettol, patience and courage. It is such a lonely thing this abortion business. It’s like being born and dying. It always took at least two weeks. If the womb was placed high then you were just out of luck. You had to find the entrance to the womb, hold the nozzle in place, and gently but firmly, pour in the water. When the fetus finally appeared it wasn’t much bigger than a bean.

Carbolic soap and water was the most common douche, but the recipe could be anything from glycerine to an “acid-like liquid.” Joan’s waitress-abortionist made up a solution of “lye, soap, quinine, and oil which she had boiled on the stove.” The solution would be inserted once or twice by an abortionist. If the woman was self-inducing, she inserted it much more frequently.

Both these methods involved a delay of hours, days or weeks before the interference produced contractions of the uterus which expelled the fetus. “It was not a quick process,” comments Betty. The woman usually suffered hours of painful contractions “as bad as any labour pains,” and a great deal of bleeding. She was often alone when she aborted the fetus and would have to dispose of it herself.

By the time most women reached this point, they were often three months pregnant or more, according to their own reckoning. There were a disproportionately high number of late abortions in these women’s stories, due at least in part to obstacles involved in finding and carrying out the procedure illegally.

Some of the medical doctors who performed illegal abortions used these same slow-working, rather primitive methods. However, the professional physicians we encounter in Pat, Natalie, Karen, Julia and Kirby’s cases used the D&C (dilatation and curettage) method, a relatively fast and simple operation in which the cervix is opened (dilated) and the uterus is scraped out using a curette.

In decade after decade after decade, the same basic abortion methods are used under the same tawdry and dangerous circumstances: an illegal abortion story from the 1960s describes the same primitive procedure as a story from the 1920s. It is interesting that by the 1960s heart transplants were being performed in Canada, while abortions, being clandestine, remained such remarkably crude and dangerous operations.

Ellen’s story was unique, in that she described the experience of an illegal abortion using the modern vacuum aspiration method. It was done at Dr. Henry Morgentaler’s clinic in 1968, the year before the abortion law was liberalized, and is basically the same abortion technique being used in Canada today: “Dilators were ... used and a vacuum aspiration tube applied and turned on. There was very little feeling, just noise and some vibrating. All the while those two lovely humans talked to me ... It was all over within ten minutes.”

It is not surprising to find that most women having illegal abortions received poor medical care from their abortionists. Often nothing was done by way of proper preparation, as Gail’s story makes clear: “I was taken to the bedroom, asked for the money, told to keep my coat on and my shoulder bag in my hand — in case I left evidence behind, I assume — and to pull my underpants down to one ankle.” There was often little or no attempt at sterility: Muriel remembers that her abortionist “hadn’t washed his hands first.”

Most women were given no anaesthetic and described their illegal abortion as a torturously painful procedure. While undergoing the operation without anaesthetic, the patient “was not to make a sound ... not one!” Women like Mary and Louise remember “biting a pillow to keep from screaming.” Most women were given no rest or recovery period, nor any aftercare whatsoever. They were told to leave right after getting off the table. The instructions were usually the same as those given to Mary: “Don’t you dare tell anyone. If anything goes wrong don’t call a doctor or the police because you’ve just broken the law and you can go to jail.” Although infection was highly possible, antibiotics were almost never provided.

These stories contain several incidents of women being sexually abused by the abortionist or by his “middle man.” Joanne, Patti, Nicola, Louise, Mary and Muriel all encountered this problem; most suffered in silence. As Joanne says, “Since you are terrified that you aren’t going to get the abortion, and that’s all you are thinking of, you submit to a lot of indignities that I probably would never have submitted to otherwise. Fondling and things like that.”"

What exactly is the deal?

For the most part my blog isn't really a political blog. I didn't set it up to be that way. I did set it up to be a place for me to just vocalize whatever I felt like saying no matter how silly or serious the subject. I wanted the range to be any topic I felt like discussing.

Right now, I'm very bothered by the case that is working it's way to the Supreme Court which is now populated with Bush's people. I feel helpless. I feel like there is this machine that is in place that is steamrolling over all of us. Bush is behind the wheel and there is something so very sinister and deceptive about it. So, my only recourse is to try to be as outspoken and persuasive as I can.

This is the only method of promoting change that any of us have that shouldn't put us in jail. But with this administration, one never knows.

The Religious Right is drooling at the bit. The Patriot Act, Wire tapping, one of their own in office.... this has to be a dream come true for them.