Thursday, June 29, 2006

What Happened?

Well guys, I don't know where or even how to begin to tell you what has happened to me. It has been pretty painful as well as disgusting. The things that people can and will do is beyond my comprehension.

Things at my work were going pretty well. I had made partnership, was going to open up a sales office and had a developer interested in using our company to market their properties.

On June 5th, I had a minor dispute with the president of the company over an invoice. Now J. and I have butt heads in the past and he gets very very upset when it happens. So, traditionally, when it happens, we would both just take a breather from each other for a day. Then, by the next day one of us would find a way to break the ice and everything would be ok.

Well, on June 6th, he sent me an e-mail that said that he didn't want to be a part of the partnership and his wife wouldn't be available to help me either. He basically said he didn't care about the business and wanted nothing to do with it, the ball was all mine to carry. I was ok with the idea of doing it on my own but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to keep him in the mix because I loved working with him so much. So, over the next few days, I was getting sort of depressed and didn't know how to resolve the issue.

On Thursday, June 8th, I was tense and one of my colleagues noticed my tension. She is J.'s niece. Many times she has had issues with her uncle as well and at times has wanted to leave the company because she was so upset. So, I decided to tell her how I was feeling. I thought she would understand and I could air out my frustration.

That weekend, I decided to take time off to regroup and by Monday would have a solution in place.

When I arrived at my office, my desk had been packed up. They went through every personal item I had and kept all customer contact information that was scribbled in notebooks and placed in folders. They tried to keep my Franklin Covey planner pages (Backfill pages with contact information, etc.) but I was able to get that back. The kept three years of work and I was forced to walk away without it and start from scratch.

I don't know how to explain to you what I have been going through. It is the equivalent of having someone you care about die. It took about 5 days for J. to get around to e-mailing me why he had done this. A list of my crimes was sent to me. I guess while they were doing this, they had to picture me as some demon in order to be able to tell themselves that what they were doing to me was ok. Not a new concept. I never ever in a million years thought that he would have done something like that to me. Never. If I had, I would have made sure I kept copies of my customers.

This company was my heart and soul. I was the first one to come over and help get it all set up. I worked my ass off to help get it off the ground. I could make a list a mile long of the things I had done for them. That was why they had offered my partnership. It was my future and my life. I thought I would be there forever.

I don't think words can possibly describe what I've been feeling. I still wake up in the middle of the night and my chest feels like it's going to explode. At times I would find myself wanting to just hurt the people around me. I kept driving out to Galveston to find relief. Somehow the ocean can soothe a weeping soul.

I have a good friend who cares deeply for me. When she found out what happened to me, she was furious; who wouldn't be? She knew I was in no position to go out and look for anything, so she did it for me. She called people and talked to them and then once she found the doors I could walk through, had me call and set up the interviews.

The first interview I went on was the one I ended up taking. I'm in a good place. I don't want to talk about it too much, yet. But what I can say is that it's the equivalent of going from waiting tables at Chili's to being a Chef at Tony's And the men I'm meeting....OH MY GOD. I have to get a new "do" and get my nails done and everything.

I think when I get past the hurt and the anger, I'm going to be very happy here. My life is going to change dramatically over the next six months.

So, there you have it. That's what's been going on.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Where the Hell did GFT disappear to?

Ok, all, I'm terribly sorry. I've disappeared and I didn't mean to be gone so long. I've had a major bittersweet life changing event. I can't write about it now, so please come back later and I'll tell all.

Gros bisous!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The Story of Metisse - Finale

It had been several days since I had seen Metisse, so I gave up looking for her. Then, one morning as I was heading out the door, there she was on my doorstep. I was so very happy to see my little buddy. I brought her in and fed her. She appeared to be ok, nothing broken. When I went out to my car, I noticed my neighbor's van had returned. I think she somehow got into that van and that is why she had disappeared. I'll never know how far away she travelled.

Though I was delighted to have her back, the problem with the claws still remained. So after a great deal of agonizing, I decided to take her in and have them removed. It was the only way that we were going to have peace and harmony at home. So, back to the animal clinic I took her. This time, she did not trash her cage. They said she stayed pretty calm.

When I brought her home, she had bright neon green bandages that covered her paws and went up to her elbow. That first night, she insisted on sleeping on my chest with her paws crossed. The second night, she couldn't stand it anymore, she was trying to tear the bandages off of her feet. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself so I removed them. She didn't bother her feet once they were off. She still seemed to need to sleep close to me though.

Whenever one has their cat declawed, one of the requirements the vet makes is that for the first week the litter box be filled with shredded newspaper instead of litter. The litter hurts the cat's paws. After several days, I noticed that Metisse had not used the litter box and I could tell she had not gone anywhere in the apartment. By about the 5th or 6th day she started pacing all over my apartment. I could tell she did not like her litter box with newspaper. I didn't think she was going to be able to hold it much longer, so I put her and the litter box in the bathroom and shut the door. It didn't matter where she went in there, it would be very easy to clean up. After about an hour or so, she finally gave in.

Beyond this point life between the two of us went pretty harmoniously. I can't recall if my father passed away before or after I had her declawed; he actually passed away in December just before Christmas. He had lost his battle with cancer and I was dealt an overwhelmingly painful blow. If not for Metisse, I don't know what it would have been like for me. At one point, a friend renamed her: Metisse DeClawed.

During the following year, I was stalked by a guy who was a pilot for Continental Airlines. So, I ended up moving to another apartment; he continued to harrass me over the phone at work. The company I worked for outsorced my position and took away all of my benefits. Then, I met a guy at work who had a reputation for making girls fall hard for him and then pushing them away with equal force. I didn't know this when I met him, and he got hold of me twice; I almost ended up committing suicide that year.

Somehow as the year progressed, I began to find strength but it was a very slow process. I still had not come to terms with my father's death and I was struggling trying to find some sort of closure that would allow me to move on with my life.
Towards the end of the year, I started to read the Celestine Prophecies. And was beginning to explore ways to heal.

My brother lived in Alberquerque N.M. so I decided to visit him during the Christmas Holidays. I stayed about 2 weeks, my sister took care of Metisse while I was away. I kept making my brother drive me up into the mountains. I seemed to be able to find a great deal of solice and peace while in the mountains. Then, on the final night of my stay, my father came to me in a dream and we talked. I was able to finally get the closure I needed and could finally move on.

When I got home, my sister told me that Metisse didn't eat much, I assumed she missed me. I also noticed that Metisse seemed pretty insistant on sleeping with me, again, I thought she had just missed me. By that weekend, she stopped eating and on Sunday, I took her to an emergency clinic to see what was wrong. The checked her and told me that she had feline leukemia and it was in it's final stages. She only had about 24 hours left. They gave her a fluid pack to keep her sustained.

I couldn't believe it. So I decided to take her to another vet for a second opinion the next day. Sure enough, she was terminally ill and I had to put her down that very day. I cried so hard I thought I was going to be sick. I had never been so attached to an animal in my life, and though I love my pets now, it isn't the same as what I had with Metisse. She was a very special kitty. I'm sure my father's death and the pain I endured throughtout the year probably contributed some to my reaction.

My mother had a boyfriend at the time. He called me and told me to bring her to my mother's house and he would have a place ready to bury her. I stayed with the vet while she put her down. It was very difficult to do but I kept thinking about the time that Metisse thought I had abandonned her and I wasn't going to do it that day. Once they were finished, I took her and buried her.

Friends and family sent sympathy cards and made phone calls offering condolences; they knew how attached I was. She was such a sweet kitty and I don't think I'm every going to find another one like her again. I think of her often and am so glad I had her when I did, she made a difficult year much better for me I just wish I had been able to keep her for a while longer.