Saturday, December 31, 2005

Earthdancer blues

When I was in college, I was the counted crosstitch queen. I would spend hours on end (between studies) doing nothing but crosstitch projects. Most of these projects were images from Precious Moments. I absolutely loved them and if you were someone in my life at the time, then somewhere among your things, you have one of my projects.

About 10 years ago, my sister gave me a beautiful project titled "Earthdancer". This is a gorgeous crosstitch piece and it took me about a year to get all the thread and beads together to make it. It had been a while since I stitched and I didn't know where the Houston shops were. I actually ended up getting all my stuff at a shop in Old Town Spring.

Well, over the years, I keep picking up this project and working on it. I am so discouraged now. I cannot do the beadwork. For some reason, I can't keep the count correct for the beads and they aren't coming out right, specifically the area on the chest and shoulders. I've ripped them out twice and it looks like 3rd time is coming. I even bought a magnifier glass to help me see the stitching better and it's still way off. I am using the exact count fabric that the project calls for; still the beads don't line up.

I'm hoping that I don't give it up alltogether but i certainly don't want to find myself 80 years old upon completion.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Who'da thought?

I stole this from Elizabeth I never would have thought, Purple. But I think I can see it.......I think.

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.
You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Lucy, I'm home!

Hey ya'll, I'm home.

I was a little ever so paranoid by my posting about Bush that while waiting for my flight at IAH, I kept looking around to see if I saw anybody looking even slightly like FBI people watching me.... Then I did it again when I got to DC. I didn't see anyone reading newspapers with their sunglasses on, so I guess I was ok. :)

I had a lovely time. I used to sight see whenever I visited my sister. Then, last February, I went to visit her and she took me to some little town where we found a chocolate shop. We sat down with hot chocolate and she looked me square in the face and asked me what I wanted to do. I told her, "I know this sounds crazy, but I want to stay at home and do home-body stuff". She was soooo excited. We found a needlework project and spent the remainder of my stay doing just that. Her husband was sent for food on occasion.

So, this time I knitted a scarf, made a necklace and started a scrapbook. We did manage to get out one day and visit an antique store. I kept thinking about Nora's lovely victorian ornaments and my sister has a really pretty tree, too and I wanted to buy some cute and feminine ornaments for my tree. I succeeded in finding a cute purse ornament and a somewhat matching shoe. I found a teapot ornamant and some pretty white bells with pink flowers.

So, now I am even more motivated to finish my quilt. I need to do some edge stitching on the sashes, then I'll get my batting and back fabric. I should have it all done by February. (Fingers crossed).

Sorry, still no digital no photos of anything. I'm working on it Guys, really, I am.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night.

Ok, so I'm not going to let my Bush bash be the last post you see from me before the Holidays. Hey, I was crazy about that guy so I have every right to be equally disdainful of him.

I am going to be scarce over the next few days as I spend the holidays with my sister in D.C. So,

Nora, have a wonderful Christmas with your sons and John.
Krysten, I know you're ready for the holidays to be over with but nonetheless, I hope you enjoy every moment once the moment begins.
Elizabeth, I hope you, Chris and Athena have a wonderful Christmas.
And, finally, Cathy, you've been on my mind all day and I'll be thinking of you over the holidays. Take care of yourself and I hope you find some comfort in the warmth of the season.

Ok, all.......

Merry Christmas

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bush, are you getting it, yet? (Soap Box Alert)

So, you're asking us to understand and support your war in Iraq. You've asked us to set aside our disagreements with your policies and support your efforts in the name of Freedom.


You are methodically taking away my rights over my body. You are taking away the rights of my sisters, my daughters, my grandaughters, my nieces and grand nieces to choose what is best for their bodies. You won't stop until you've won that battle.

I'm not helping you win your battle against the naysayers. You've betrayed me.

You have put your religious beliefs above your duty as a commander in chief and have allowed them to influence your decisions. You are standing in the way of stem cell research. You are catering to the Religious Right and handing them ungodly amounts of power.

Go take your pleas to the Religious Right. Get Pat Robertson and company to rally support for your war. You've bent over backward accomodating them, it's time they give back something to you. What? They're too busy imposing their own religious agendas on the rest of us to help you? Power is a pretty interesting phenominon, isn't it?

So, how about you put aside your own personal religious convictions and pave the way to allow for stem cell research. How about you start supporting women's rights over their own body? How about you prove to us whose hope for a future of personal freedom is slowly being dashed by the power of the hungry imposing Religious Right that you are on our side. Until then, you're on your own.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

E-mail in a time capsule

I just came across this article titled a "Sending the future you e-mails"

In a nutshell, you can send yourself an e-mail to arrive in the future.
This is an interesting concept. The thing about this type of project is that you write the e-mail, send it, then forget about it. If it's something you keep remembering or going back to, it won't have the same impact. So, what happens if your e-mail changes? Hmmm, no e-mail I guess.

I think this is a pretty cool idea, nonetheless. There are some publicly displayed e-mails if you want to read them. Go check it out.

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Ok, so I'm a little late posting this thing....all my other blog friends have posted theirs already.

You Are Cupid
A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer.

Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other.

Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

More on "Fighting Back"

I was sharing with an online friend my thing about mailing the stuff back to the CC companies in the prepaid envelopes they send me. He said he does the same thing and that he has a jar of washers dedicated to doing just that. He includes the washers in order to make the envelopes heavier.

I'm heading to Home Depot. I have just the jar for it too!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Oh Happy Happy Joy Joy

My lovely colleagues gave me a DVD/CD player for my birthday. Up until now, I had to watch movies on my VCR. I'm so very excited.......

Monday, December 12, 2005

Fighting Back

Ok, so I don't know how the rest of you feel about this but there is something that really pisses me off. Credit card companies constantly sending me stuff trying to get me to sign up with their company. I get at least 2 or 3 a week. I can't throw them away because I worry about identity theft, so I have to shred them.

So, I've decided to take the junk inside the envelope that doesn't have my name and info on it and stuff it in the prepaid envelope they provide and mail it to them. Now they can pay someone to open "junk mail".

Besides, why let that pre-paid envelope go to waste?

Friday, December 09, 2005

Oh Where Oh Where has GFT gone, Oh Where Oh Where could she be.....?

Ok my friends. I'm sorry, I've dropped the ball on the blogging thing. But there's a very good reason for it.

I'll start from the beginning.

When I was a little girl, I had a very special quilt that I loved. The quilt was made by my Great Aunt Myrt in 1945 and it was of these cute figures named Sun Bonnet Sue and Overall Sam or Joe. The skirt of Sun Bonnet Sue matched the overalls of Sam. And each pair was different. She scattered them throughout the quilt so you would have to look for each match.

Anyway, in January of this year, I e-mailed my sister in D.C. and told her I wanted to make that quilt. She found the same pattern my aunt used back in '45. I have no idea how she found it. So, over the past year I have been making the squares for this quilt. 30 of them to be exact.

My sister decided she wanted to do one, too. So I asked her to send me pieces of fabric that she would be using in her quilt and I would incorporate them into my quilt. I actually dedicated a pair to her fabric.

Well, over the last few evenings, I have been sewing the squares together. I'm including a sash between squares so they appear to have a border. It is now time to get the batting and the back piece for the quilt.

I don't have a digital camera, I know, stone ages.....but I'll get one soon. And I'll take a photo and post it for all to admire. I am so damned excited about this quilt. As it took its form over the past few days, I fondly remembered the one I had as a child.

So, that is where I've been over the past few days.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Has anyone noticed.....

how much crime has increased since Hurricane Katrina. I heard Mayor Bill White state he doesn't think it's related but I think that's a "company line" and that the evacuees from New Orleans have everything to do it.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

90 Questions about MeMe

I swiped this from Krystyn. Feel free to swipe it if you like.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT. I have a small scar on the my leg just where the top of my foot meets the ankle. When I was about 6 or 7 my little brother and I found a complete pane of glass and I was claiming it as mine. So I ran with it and cut my foot. Mom wouldn’t let me keep my treasure.

2. NAME 7 THINGS IN YOUR ROOM Bed, bookcase, litter box, paintings, quilt I made, dresser drawer, laundry basket

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? Blue/silver, flat, simple, samsung

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? Depends on my mood; Classical, Country Western,



7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My Porsche

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My sewing machine, it’s a Bernina

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Goldleaf & Hydrangea


11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW: I would hope that someone would take good care of my pets





16. DO YOU LIKE PORN? Not really



19. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? I don’t know I can’t remember that far back





24. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? The number to my voice messages on my cell phone.

25. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? I have to steal Krystyn’s answer here: Incompetence

26. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US? Yes, France, Sweden, Germany, Bahamas

27. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Potato Salad, chips & dip


29. FIRST JOB? Eckerd Drugs, I worked in Cosmetics




33. WHY DID YOU FILL THIS SURVEY OUT? I think I enjoy being asked questions about myself. My nephew refers to these types of posts as "meme" posts. Like the song, I wanna talk about me me me me.




37. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? I would like 2 or 3

38. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, my middle name is Caroline after Caroline Kennedy.


40. IF YOU COULD PUT 5 BANDS TOGETHER TO PLAY A CONCERT, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Pink Floyd, Santana, Carbon Leaf, Dave Matthews, Fleetwood Mac

41. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Thanksgiving Day

42. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, ever since I was child I’ve fought it.

43. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO RETIRE? Don’t know, New Mexico maybe.

44. ANY BAD HABITS? Yes, the snooze button.



47. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? I don’t know. I’m pretty loyal.


49. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I write it out in a journal


51. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Sometimes, yes.



54. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Very rarely

55. EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Yes, it’s a horrible memory. It was on a very primitive ranch in West Texas back in 89. I was really very upset that I was thrown in. He was trying to get me into the water tower, but I was fighting so hard, he settled on the pit instead.


57. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? I don’t really have any.


59. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS? Yes, I persist, I say what I think.



62. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? Red, Black, pink, yellow, purple

63. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? I don’t think I have any, they were all removed.


65. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? I would like for my blog friends to answer them, yes. I enjoy getting to know people.

66. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Watching Desparate Housewives: Brie is talking to George….letting him overdose on pills.

67. LAST THING YOU ATE? Brunch at Hugos


69. IF YOU WERE GIVEN $100, WHAT WOULD YOU GO BUY? I know this is sad, but I have no idea.

70. Not sure what happened to this question

71. WHO DO YOU THINK IS OVERRATED? G.W. Bush both negatively and positively

72. FAVORITE DRINK? Dr. Pepper


74. WHAT ARE YOUR NEW YEARS EVE PLANS?: I don’t have any


76. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? A great movie or book.

77. SIBLINGS? Yes, 4

78. FAVORITE MONTH? October, I love the Fall and October lets me know it’s arrived.

79. YOU LIKE SUSHI? Oh Yeah! Especially Philadelphia Rolls.

80. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Pride & Prejudice

81. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Thanksgiving


83. SUMMER OR WINTER? Probably Winter.



86. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? I’m trying to finish "Leap of Faith" by Queen Noor

87. WHERE DO YOU WORK? In Montrose

88. WHATS YOUR MAJOR? Graduated already; it was French

89. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Hmm, it was on while I was putting up my tree, Curtain Call I think. It was UPN20 or FOX26

90. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP? How many times can I hit my snooze button?

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

I put my tree up this evening. I love my christmas tree.

I don't put it up every year. Last year I wasn't in the mood, but this year, obviously I am. I won't be spending Christmas here, actually. But I want the festivity that the tree brings.

Anyway, every year I pull out my decorations I relive the memories of the ornaments. Some of them I made myself or I bought at different times. I bought my initial ornaments and original lights the year my father died. I chose a blue and silver theme and I've built on it since.

I have collected quite a few oranments over time but I want to get some more. And bows, I love bows and I have those scattered about as well. But I want more bows. I don't think I can have too many of those.

Ok, I'm tired and ready to sleep. Maybe I'll sleep under my tree..... :)

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving friends

I have a friend who recently bought one of those cute 3 story patio home/town homes that are popping up all over Rice Military. So, now that she has this cute place, she loves to entertain, so this is her second Thanksgiving. I love spending Thanksgiving with her and friends. I've known most of these people for at least 4 or 5 years.

Last year, things got heated at Thanksgiving because one of her guests HATES Bush. And at that time, I was still supporting him pretty strongly. As I have been sharing over time here, I'm not really feeling much support for the man. So this Thanksgiving, though I didn't bash him, I did share with my "opponent" why my support of the man was waning. My friend was quite impressed and confessed that though he hates Bush, he does support many Republicans and isn't really as liberal as he may have appeared. He just hates Bush. When he left the dinner party, he came up to me and said that knowing that I've come to this point leaves him with hope for the future. Interesting.

I had such a good time this year. I like these friends and I need to work very hard at spending time with them moving forward.

Ok, that's all I have to write. I'm sleepy and I have a headache.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

President or Religious Leader - Soap box alert

I've noticed Bush is trying to rally support and he's pointing the finger at the Democrats accusing them of being irresponsible for suggesting we pull out of Iraq. I wonder if while our President is expressing his indignation he notices there is a very empty complacent response to his plea. I would like to share my feelings and perhaps shed some light on what I think the problem is.

When he was elected President in 2000, I was elated. When 911 hit, I couldn't get enough of him. President Bush was my hero. But now, I don't care. I feel betrayed. I don't feel betrayed about our being in Iraq. I get it. I understand why we are there and I see the problem with an immediate pull out.

My feeling is that Bush has abused his position at President and has used his role to promote his religious convictions. Wait, let me restate that, not promote his religious convictions, impose his religious convictions.

A few examples: He is standing in the way of science's attempt at pursuing stem cell research, even when that research no longer entails the use of aborted embryos. He has enfluenced the FDA away from approving the availability of Plan B, the day after birth control pill, as an over-the-counter drug. He has openly expressed that he believes that it is unconstitutional for a woman to choose to terminate a pregnancy. And lately, he was speaking in China where he believed one of the freedoms the people of China should be afforded is the right to read the Bible (and other sacred text).

I think, relating to the last statement, it is rather audacious for him to go to China and state that their country should be open to allowing their people to pracice a western religion. What is he trying to do here, pave the way for the Christian Coalition to go in and set up missionaries. Western religion could actually tear apart their very ancient culture.

President Bush is a walking example of blatant disrespect for the separation of Church and State. He is sending signals left and right that, as President, he is going to do everything in his power to pave the way for the Religious Right to impose their agendas on the rest of us.

This week, on NPR, I heard Pat Robertson state that "should the little town of Dover(PA) be a victim of natural disaster they should not turn to God for help because they turned their backs on God". Why did he make this hateful statement? Because the school system there decided that creationism should be taught in philosophy and not in a science class. That, in Mr. Robertson's opinion, is "turning their backs on God". He doesn't care about the integrety of Science, he wants people to be forced to learn about God and wants the subject to be given equal respect as science. As if God were an exact science. (You can hear the report here)

I have never heard a religious leader stand up and speak out against the murdering of doctors who perform abortions or against those who practice blowing up clinics. Both are blatent examples of terrorism. The Religious Right is mowing over as many people as they possibly can because they believe that the Leader of the Free World is actually one of them.

The irony of it is that while Bush is paving the way for them, they are not in return rallying support for him. No. They are focusing their energy on promoting their own power agenda.

So my feeling is this. I can't openly support Bush anymore because in doing so, I would be supporting the agenda of the Religious Right. I can't bring myself to send the rights of women back 30 years. Religion is constantly being forced down our throats.

I don't know if the rest of America feels as I do. But I do believe that people are frustrated by his policies and feel as I do that by supporting him in his efforts in Iraq, they are abandonning the things that are important to themselves. Bush has not earned our support. And whats worse is that he has good people such as Condi Rice and Dick Cheney working very hard to get things right in the Mid-East; but Bush's focus on this other crap is making him ineffective as a leader.

If Bush wants to know where the irresponsibility lies, he need only look in the mirror.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Now for something fun and amusing

Take the cupid test and see who you are. I took the test and it turns out I'm a Sonnet.

Friday, November 04, 2005

What do the Cards Say?

In reference to a previous post (Photographs & Memories) regarding my coming across a letter that was written to me by a man in my past, Freebird suggested that I consult the cards prior to contacting him. I liked her idea, a lot.

Initially, I was going to do several readings over the next few weeks and see if there was a consistent message. Mostly because I feel like I'm such a novice I won't get the message right. So now that I really feel like the reading I just did is so clear, I might not feel the need to do several readings.

I'll share my reading with you.

I only selected 3 cards: 1- past, 2- present, 3- future. I basically decided that I would move forward and contact him in a Christmas card and that I simply wanted the cards to tell me what they had to say.

Here are the results.

First card: 2 of cups. This card is of 2 women facing one another; one blonde one brunettish. I immediately know what this card is telling me. It's my relationship her. She was the conflict and she's in my past. It's over, I've ended it, she's not coming back. I swear, these cards blow me away sometimes.

Second card: The World. Wow. This card is basically telling me I know so much more than I did then. I've come "full circle" and in effect I genuinely feel like the card is saying, yes go forward. If I heed to the warning side, it is also telling me not to be over confident. I see it as a green light for sure.

Third card: King of Wands. This card is very interesting!

First I see him in this card for sure. He's a man in my future, but I'm not sold that he is "the man" in my future. I would be very very satisfied if the result of reconnecting is that we are just friends. SO, I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that he is my soul mate, though at the time I met him I was convinced he was "the one" for me.

Secondly, the message I'm getting from this card is don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't get so focused and determined about this that I close myself off from other possibilities.

and Finally, in almost all of my readings, beginning with my very first one 11 years ago, I draw the Queen of Wands. I am so much the Queen of Wands which really intrigues me that as I ask the cards for direction in this endeavor, my future card is indeed the King of Wands.

So there you have it. I interpret this reading as a very positive one.

Katie Holmes is no dummy

So, Katie Holmes makes her play. Queen to D4 and Tom's bishop is in check.

Apparently, Katie is requesting that T.C. sign a prenup ensuring her of several million dollars in the event their marriage does not last 5 years. What a smart, smart girl.

She knows this is a whirlwind affair. She has given up several movie deals for him thus taking herself out of the "work force". She also knows that at some point along the way she may not want to be a scientologist and then Tom would be forced to make a choice. If history means anything, Scientology would most likely win the battle. I think that T.C. genuinely believes that he cannot be who he is without Scientology.

I am so impressed by her decision because it tells me that she is very strong and in control. I'm not so worried about Katie Holmes anymore. She is taking good care of herself and her baby.

Kudos Katie!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Kudos to me

I don't know if you have ever noticed the characteristics of a violin but they don't have frets like guitars. However, like guitars, there are specific points along the strings that when the finger presses down and the bow is slid across the string a pure note is heard. So, how does one learn to play these notes? Well, my violin teacher put thin strips of tape in place of where "frets" would be on my violin. I have a smiley face indicating where the next position is but that's another complicated story.

So, I started my violin lessons in 2002 and stopped in 2003. Then I resumed this year. So, I have had these tapes on my violin since I've started my lessons.

My lessons are on Thursday and as is customary, I race home after work, gather my instrument and music and head out the door. Well today, when I went to grab my violin, one of the strings was broken. Either my cockatoo went over to the violin, which I keep propped against the music stand when not in use, and unscrewed the base where the string is connected (yes, anyone who has ever had a cockatoo would know that is extremely feasible), OR my cats caused the thing to unscrew by rubbing their faces against it. Now, based on what I found in the litter box this morning, I do believe that once the string was broken, they did toy with the strings.

But I digress. So, I went forward with my violin lesson even though I knew I had no violin to play with. Usually I get there early so that I can practice in an empty room prior to my lesson. Well, Roby handed me his violin to practice with and guess what? His violin doesn't have tape on it. That's right. I had to practice without the tape and guess what I discovered?

You guessed it.... I don't need no stinking tape anymore.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Bizarre Moment

This afternoon my colleagues, Drew and Eric, and myself went to Baba Yaga's for lunch. We chose Baba Yaga's because today's weather was Splendific and they provide outdoor seating and we very much wanted to sit outside. Luckily, we arrived in time to sit outside.

We were sitting directly underneath the awning which I thought was quite convenient because it soon became aparent that there were squirrels in the trees above as we heard the shell pieces of pecans drop onto the awning and then slide down to the ground behind us. It was perfect.

We were enjoying our meal together and I was half-way through my wonderful "roast beef" sandwich smothered with melted provolone cheese when suddenly out of no where a fly dive bombed onto my sandwich. I tried to swoosh it away with my hands but it just crawled on my sandwich. I swooshed again and then it proceeded to burrow itself into the depths of my sandwhich where it just curled up and died.

WTF? That is just friggin disgusting, which is what I proclaimed! Thankfully, Baba Yaga's deducted the sandwich from my bill. In return, I ordered dessert as did my colleagues, which is so uncustomary of them. So indeed, we made up for their kindness.

But really, isn't that just totally bizarre?

I wanna talk about me

I got this from Freebird. I copied the questions, deleted the answers, then waited a day. I don't know how similar my answers are as I haven't compared them, yet.

Three ways that I am stereotypically female:

1) I blowdry and curl my hair everyday
2) I love sundresses
3) I am very jealous and suspicious of men.

Three ways that I am stereotypically male:

1) I love cars,
2) it is apparent I need a maid; I have cultures growing in my refrigerator as we speak
3) I'm extremely independent and in my own world.

Three names I go by:

1) Fardoh (Not since I was 5)
2) Kiddo
3) Goober

Three parts of my heritage:

1) French
2) German
3) splash of Scotts Irish

Three physical things I like about myself

1) My breasts
2) My eyes/mouth
3) I'm not overweight

Three physical things I don’t like about myself

1) I'd like to be taller
2) I'd like a flat stomach
3) I'd like to have a more exotic look/aura

Three things that scare me:

1) becoming seriously ill or injured (I don't have health insurance)
2) choking on hard candy 3
) Jeff, the vice-president of our company (he's always jumping out at me or sneaking up behind me)

Three of my everyday essentials

1) Coffee
2) toothbrush
3) computer

Three LIES

1) I look like Angelina Jolie
2) I fly a broom to work everyday
3) I won the lottery last week.


1) I speak French
2) I've received an e-mail from the space shuttle
3) I have a picture of myself with Donald Sutherland on my fridge.

Three things I want in a relationship

1) Trust
2) Laughter - Lots of it
3) Respect

Three physical things about men that appeal to me

1) a strong jaw line
2) natural musk smell
3) Height (he needs to be taller than me)

Three of my favorite hobbies

1) violin
2) sewing
3) movies

Three things I want to do really badly now

1) sleep (I had a rough day)
2) eat pizza
3) call this new guy I met

Three careers I’ve considered

1) Medicine (Can't do blood & guts)
2) Psychology
3) Pilot

Three places I want to go on vacation

1) Costa Rica
2) Hawaii
3) Australia

Three things I want to do before I die
1) Have a meaningful connection with a man
2) Make a six figure income
3) own a house

Three celebrity crushes:

I only had one crush. Believe it or not it was Tom Cruise. While in college I started to compose him a letter. I never knew what became of it. Ok, a close second would be Owen Wilson.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Photographs and Memories

My friend, Kathy, recently purchased a darling little townhome in Bellaire. She had been living in the same house she purchased 30 some odd years ago and it really was time for a change. I can't believe how lucky she was to have found this darling jewel at such a reasonable price.

So, she's having her old house remodeled so she can lease it out. One of the daunting tasks she had to do was clear the stuff out of her closets. She threw bags and bags of stuff away. This got me to thinking about the stuff tucked back in my closets and maybe I should do the same.

Yesterday, I pulled out a box from my closet. It was a box of all my old journals and stuff. Obviously, coming across this caused me to pause and read through my past. Needless to say, the cleaning project was put on immediate hiatus while I delved into my past.

There it was. The letter he wrote me some 7 or 8 years ago. I had broken off our friendship, it was complicated. So many things have happened since then. She had come between us and the connection wasn't strong enough to salvage. And since breaking things off with her several weeks ago, I feel so damned free. I've come so far along since then. I'm so much more independent and self-determined now than ever before.

I feel compelled to send him a Christmas Card implying an invitation to reconnect. Do I dare?

Perhaps I should consult the cards.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bon Voyage Astros

The World Series is over and the Astros are heading out on vacation. As for we Astros fans, well we're still trying to figure what the hell was going on with MLB. They insisted we open the roof to screw up the home field advantage for the Astros, disallowed the rally rags from being distributed to the fans, and (I assume) encouraged the umpires to make the strike zone as ambiguous as they could.

I was listening to Sam Malone this morning on 740 am radio. He made an interesting point. Apparently the TV ratings for the World Series was 33, 37 being the lowest. There was pressure to just end the series, so Bud Selig pushed to do whatever he could to end it. Among all the things that were discussed, the idea that they just felt pressure to end the series made the most sense.

I heard a lawsuit was being submitted agains the MLB regarding the roof. I think the suit should be directly against Bud but what difference would it make, really? In the end, he isn't going to reflect over his decision and regret it. I don't think that people, when they get to wealth and status of someone like himself, ever really look back and regret the decisions they made that made them wealthy and powerful. They may wish they didn't make those decisions but not if it means giving up the wealth and power. So, no matter what one says to them or does to them, it isn't going change who they are. He's a slimy bastard and will go to his grave that way.

The one thing that won't change is how much this city loves its Astros. And we are looking forward to a new season.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

More Favorite Movie Quotes

Ok, Guys, it's time to get light and fun. So, after I submitted my "Favorite Movie Quotes", of course more surfaced that I completely forgot about.

"Remind me to slap your mama when we get home" Buford T. Justice, Smokey & The Bandit

"I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody" Marlin Brando, On the Water Front

"Hold on to your butts" Juassic Park

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition" from Sliding Doors (I know it originated from Monty Python

Friday, October 21, 2005

Satan in Sheep's Clothing

I saw Prime Time this Thursday and; what I saw sickened me. It has taken me a day to be able to put my thumb on it but I think I got it.

The episode yesterday began with a piece about 2 young girls, Lamb and Lynx Gaede. These girls are twins and are about 10 or 12 years of age. Both of them with blonde hair and blue eyes. They sing folk songs; one plays the guitar, the other the violin. So, what's the problem?

Their songs are about the greatness of white supremacy. They even have a song that celebrates the life of Rudolph Hess. These girls are scheduled to sing at the Phoenix Eurofest where Fritz Berg will be speaking. The deeper and deeper you look at these girls and the evil that is swirling around them the worse it gets. I don't know if I should be disgusted or heartbroken.

During the interview on Prime Time someone, not the girls, mentioned the hatred that one hears in Gansta Rap music that is embraced by many of the young African American population. He wants to know how is it any different. Ok, he has a point. If the Black population can sing about hatred and promote violence against the white man, why can't the reverse happen. It can happen and it does happen, every day. That doesn't make it right.

In most cases, and I'm aware not all cases, these African American rap singers who grow up angry and hateful got that way as a result of events that happened in their lives that kept hitting them until they broke somewhere. Maybe they were raised in the hood where they were beat by their parents, saw their brother brutally murdered by a cop or maybe a sister was raped. But the hatred they feel inside is a result of unfair and unjust events in their lives. Are they justified in being angry, of course they are. Should they push for hatred against their perceived enemie, no. Hatred is never ever productive.

Here, we have two, beautiful and talented girls whose parents are taking the time to ensure that they have hatred towards other races. They aren't beating them, hurting them or abusing them. They are taking extreme measures to teach them to hate as a part of their philosophy. What a waste of talent and of youth. These girls aren't fantasizing about growing up and becoming professionals where they can actually make a real contribution to society and be happy. Their future is in promoting the agendas of hateful white men who wish to promote the agenda of Hitler and the KKK.

It's just creepy.

Monday, October 17, 2005

More on Scientology

I don't know why I have taken so much interest in this thing with Tom Cruise (TC) and Katie Holmes (KH) but I have. It isn't their relationship with one another that I've been so interested in knowing about as much as it is his and her involvement in Scientology.

I have been doing a lot of reading; and I have to admit, I have been focusing on the control part of the religion. There is so much stuff out there on it now. It's quite impressive how motivated people are to make this information available.

Something I have concluded though is that TC is pretty clueless about many aspects of this religion. He has no idea regarding the concept of Xenu and Thetans based on this interview. I believe that Tom sincerely has no idea what the reporter is referring to in the question that he poses.

I can imagine the fear that Scientology has regarding the backlash that all this interest in their organization is bringing. If you put the term "Scientology" in a google search, the second link on the page is this one. I don't think that's very good for them.

I came across another interview that leads me to believe they are both being so totally used by Scientology. I don't think either of them realizes how much they are being used.

In one interview I've listened to, TC really is a bright guy and he seems very sincere but he also seems to think that many things evolve around him. I think that Scientology has something to do with this; they constantly feed his ego. If TC starts to get wind of some of the other aspects of this "religion" he might begin to pull away from it. He is their biggest spokesperson. That wouldn't be good.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Tarot Cards Arrived

My eagerly anticipated Tarot Cards arrived yesterday. I love them, they are soooo beautiful. I need to buy a wooden box for them and, apparently, I'm supposed to store them with crystals and sage. I wonder if the Magic Cauldren will have these necessary items.

The book that comes with the cards is excellent. It explains the cards and offers exercises to help me understand their different meanings. I can't wait to start reading them for my friends. I thought about putting a sign in my window but not everyone of my neighbors is going to be open minded about this. So, if it looks like this might be my calling, I'll just let it be word of mouth.

An observation I've made is that it seems that all of the tarot readers I've been to use the same deck. Do these people not know there is a place one can go to to find some beautiful and artistic cards. Artists have pulled together to design some fabulous cards, all of them committed to understanding the meaning behind each card as they illustrate them. The deck I selected is the Gilded Tarot. They really are just beautiful and are very deserving of their own wooden box.

I'm curious about Oracle cards, too. Here is a gorgeous deck called the Goddess Knowledge Cards. And the Goddess Oracle Cards look rather ulluring as well; something about the Indian overtones seem to add to their mystery.

Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying my cards.

Friday, October 14, 2005

My Favorite Movie Quotes

Ok, I'm playing, too. My favorite movie quotes as played by Amy, Freebird, Cathy and other bloggers I don't know yet. This is all I can think of now..... I reserve the right to add to the list. :)

"At this point, I'd spit on a spark plug If I thought it'd do any good" War Games, Gen. Jack Beringer

"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero" Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Cameron Frye

"Run! Back to the river, back to the river! Save yourselves!" E. T., Elliot

"You are my density", Back to the Future, George McFly

"I am Wind in His Hair. Do you see I am not afraid of you!?" said the wild and valient Wind in His Hair to Kevin Costner upon first meeting him at the fort in Dances with Wolves. And then....

" Dances With Wolves. I am Wind In His Hair! Do you see that I am your friend!? Can you see that you will always be my friend!? " Dances with Wolves

"I am somebody!" Steve Martin, The Jerk

"This is all I need. I don't need anything else..... wait, I need this chair" Steve Martin, The Jerk

And then, my favorite Star Wars quote would be Princes Leia's "Will somebody get this walking carpet out of the way?"

Thursday, October 13, 2005

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehn, Good Bye

Music: None - NPR
Mood: Apprehensive

Last night our office held an all office meeting to discuss the goals and future of the company. One of the decisions we made in this meeting was to let go of one of our agents. This particular agent didn't really seem to want to invest much in the overall goals of the company but she wanted to be able to benefit from our success. I know that I have worked really hard to help our company grow and I've watched others succeed from the effort without giving anything back.

So, today we let her go. I'm very mixed over this. I really adored this person as a friend. However as a colleague it wasn't working. This is the second agent we've lost since we've opened.

I hope we made the right decision.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Wierd Dreams

Music: Silence
Mood: Amused

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I had decided to become a Scientologist. It started with my attending a session. The meeting place itself was rather unceremonious. It reminded me of the place I used to go for yoga classes. Those of us in attendance were not seated in any orderly fashion but rather lounged in an informal sort of way. Tom Cruise was there and believe it or not, I wasn't that excited about his presence, which is strange because I used to be crazy about him.

The activity we participated in was similar to a virtual reality game one might find at D & B. In the game, what was seen were small black dots. Using Tai Chi type motions, these dots were connected simply by using our fingers or feet to point to one dot then draw a line to the next dot. The lines from dot to dot were generally bright neon colors. It was a very simple activity, there didn't seem to be any challenge in it.

Then we were told what we were allowed to eat. All I can remember is that we were not allowed to eat onions. According to the leaders, we were to follow a path of resistance in order to be strong and wise. Onions allowed a path of least resistance. I happened to like red onions on salad.

I remember being dangled off of something similar to a cliff. It was a growth exercise dealing with fear.

I woke up from this dreaming thinking, what the hell was that all about? Obviously, I'm bothered by Katie's abandonment of self for something so dubious. But why was the dream so bizarre. Well, dreams have a tendency to be bizarre, so I guess I shouldn't question that so much; however, the dream was really pulling me to conclude something.

And as I was recounting the dream to colleagues I found what the dream meant to me. It just sort of came to me.

Scientology is bogus.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

The Apostasy of Katie Holmes

Music: None - watching the Astros vs. Braves
Mood: Relaxed

Based on an article I read on that basically states that Katie Holmes has abandonned her business allies (manager, publicist, etc.), has stopped projects and has stopped contact with her friends, I would say that she has in effect abandonned her life "Pre-Cruise".

So, let's fast-forward 6 months from now. The "Honeymoon" is beginning to wear off. Katie learns more about herself, Scientology and life overall. What happens when she doesn't share the same point of view on any specific issue with Tom?

A woman abandonning her ideals for that of a man's; does that really work? I know of stories of men who have bent over backwards to win over a woman, even if it means changing religions to satisfy parents. But does it really ever work when it's the reverse? I don't think Cruise has proven to be a good catch for Holmes. No doubt, there probably isn't a woman out there who wouldn't give away her first born for Tom Cruise. Let's face it, though those women have about as good a chance at having Tom Cruise as they do at winning the lottery.

I guess the bottom line is that it is my own opinion that women should never ever chase men. A woman can catch a man without chasing a man. But for a woman to abandon everything she is for a man who has yet to prove himself to her, that only spells problems. If Tom becomes abusive towards her, where will she turn? Who are her allies? She has none. She is abandoning her roots and her identity.

Knowing that this woman is a complete stranger to me, I sincerely hope for the best for her. The best thing for Katie is a family who steps back while constantly reminding her that they are there for her and that no matter what, they will always be there. I have a very strong feeling she is going to need them soon.

I think that the whole world is beginning to understand why Nicole Kidman divorced this man.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Tarot Cards

Music: Where I Come From - Alan Jackson
Mood: Blue

Remember the lottery ticket I took the time out to purchase on Friday prior to Rita, well I got 3 numbers from it and won $7. Yee haw...isn't that exciting! :) Hey, you never know, right?

Well, as a result of Rita I got a chance to get to know my neighbors. That is really nice and we've been hanging out ever since. Last Sunday, Jackie, Dawn and I went out for dinner and got to talking about ghosts and stuff. Next thing I know, we've decided to go get our tarot cards read. Dawn knew of a woman off of Westheimer, so we went there.

I actually regret having gone to this woman. I've never had my cards read where the entire deck of cards was used. I can see the logic in it and realize there are any number of ways that one can have their cards read. But I felt manipulated during this reading. This woman tried very hard to get me to focus on the negative part of my readings in order to get me to solicit further assistance from her to overcome it. She was able to get both Dawn and Jackie to cry from their readings. I wasn't that moved but I was very bothered by it. There was something about this gypsy woman that really bothered me.

I've had very good readings in my past and I don't mean good as in positive, just good as in useful. I have used American Indian medicinal cards when dealing with a crisis and was completely blown away by what came up. I actually did what the cards told me to do; it was amazing.

So, I decided to purchase my own Tarot Cards and learn how to read them myself. I found an awesome website: . They have a variety of Tarot cards one can purchase; The Guilded Tarot cards selected me. I believe a book comes with the cards to help you learn how to read them. I'm looking forward to receiving them.

I had to mail my check in advance of receiving them. I went to drop the letter in the post office box at my local post office; you know the drive up boxes.... Well, the letter popped back out at me and fell under my car. So, I put my car in park, and leaned down to get the letter. I couldn't reach it, so when I came up, I hit my head on the mail box. Ouch. So I pulled up to go back and get my letter. The car behind me got it and put it in the box for me. I hope that wasn't an omen.

I'm blue these days.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Democrats shortsighted

I don't know if the Mayor of New Orleans, Nagin, or Governor of Louisiana, Blanco, were thinking too far ahead when they so quickly blamed Bush and the Feds for all their woes during the Katrina fiasco. After they woke up from their comfortable sleep in Baton Rouge, or wherever it was they fled, and saw what a horrible mess it was did they just decide to save face? Did their fellow Democratic politicians encourage them to take it in that direction? I find it interesting, though that they decided to place blame than roll up their sleeves and take charge as Guiliani did.

So, they took their political punches at Bush. And then the federal rescuers came and plucked all the stranded people, almost all of them black, from their homes, from the dome, from wherever they were gathered and scattered them to the winds. And now, Nagin and Blanco are at the Feds mercy. Those people that were plucked from New Orleans were their constituents. And now, they want them back. So, how are they going to get the Feds to give them back.

So here's the question of the hour. Why should the Feds or Bush give back their constituents? I don't think they should for 2 reasons. The first one is that wherever they are right now, it's probably better than Louisiana. My understanding is that Louisiana's schools are the worst in the nation. It is a very poor state which translates to me that there isn't a lot of opportunity.

The second reason the Feds shouldn't do it is for petty reasons. The Feds owe them nothing. Nagin and Blanco took their punches, now the Feds can punch back.

It's interesting, though. The Dems that are criticizing the distribution of these people said that they could be housed in the closed Army base. It would have been a good idea to have thought of that earlier. Really, all they seem to want is to just put them someplace, any place, as long as they are all together and can continue to vote. These people are so exploited.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Day After the Storm

Immediately after I posted my last entry, the power went off for about an hour, then it came back on then off again at 10:30. It stayed off until just now. So we were without power for about 12 hours.

This evening, at close to 6 or so, we gathered outside in the gazebo. We made an assessment regarding what was opened and made a beer run. Yes, we found a place that was opened and bought 2 six packs; no ice, though. Not knowing how long we would be without power, we emptied out our freezers and grilled hamburgers, chicken, etc. It was great fun.

I'm actually exhausted, the heat was a bit much. My neighbor drank way too much wine and she passed out. I was actually worried about her and thought she was really sick from something else and almost called 911. We were able to revive her and get some water in her and she fell asleep.

I came inside early. I could hear neighbors across the pool listening to old radio programs while sitting on lawn chairs outside their apartment. I left a crowd at the grills and they were partying loudly up until about 30 minutes ago. Then, of course, cheers when the lights came on.

Well, for all intents and purposes, Rita is now behind us and I have nothing further to report on the subject.

Night night.

Rita's impact

Well, gang, it's 4:00 a.m. and I think that this is as bad as it's going to get. We lost power about 4 times and it was out for only about 30 seconds each time. Of course, living in the River Oaks area helps that a lot. There will be no flooding here. Lucky us!

The newscasters are trying really hard to keep their viewers intersted but there really isn't anything out there that's newsworthy about this storm. It's just very very windy out there and a little wet.

So, that's it. Houston evacuated a million or so people and it turns out that it wasn't really necessary. I'm not saying that they shouldn't have, they absolutely did the right thing; it's just that it seems that after all that, Rita should have made a stronger appearance.

Rita's arriving

Well, we started to see the beginnings of Rita around 6:00 p.m. this evening. It really staretd as clouds and a breeze. Then around 9:30. It started getting a little rougher.

From about 2:00 to 9:30 I watched movies with my neighbor: Crash, The Longest Yard & Erin Brakovich. Then, at 10:00 I went out and hung out with my neighbors in the gazebo. At this time the wind was picking up. I have no idea how high they were.

One of my neighbors, Jeanette, is having a birthday this weekend. We all felt badly for her that she was going through a hurricane on her birthday, so I quickly made brownies. We ate brownies in the gazeboand drank wine and vodka while hurricane winds were blowing around us .

I don't think it's going to be as bad as they initially anticipated. I might actually get to sleep through this. So, I'm heading to bed.

I'll post again tomorrow.

Friday, September 23, 2005

The day of the storm

Music: None: talking heads on NBC
Mood: Anxious

Last night, those of us remaining in this building hooked up in the gazebo with our lawn chairs and visited with one another. One family is an evacuated family from New Orleans. I made a list of everyone here and wrote down phone numbers (like that's going to do a lot of good) and apartment numbers. We'll probably hang out again this afternoon.

I'm very concerned about looters. I honestly believe that once this is done, we'll have people wandering outside our apartments. I'm on the ground floor. If one of my windows blows open, I'll be very vulnerable. I've asked a neighbor for one of his baseball bats. That's the only thing I can think of doing. One neighbor offered me a gun but I'm not comfortable with it. I think that with the electricity being out, the gate into our property will not be working either. So I asked Jim to keep his blinds open after the storm so he could see what was going on.

The sun is shining, but there is a brief haze. The sky is gray not blue. It's hot and still.

I've taken all of my photos and albums and put them up as high as I can. My PC is disconnected and put up. I've put money, keys, credit cards, passport, social security cards and lottery ticket (yes, I actually stopped what I was doing and bought a lottery ticket) in a ziplock bag. I think there is still more to do. I'm starting to feel really stressed and overwhelmed. Friends from far away are still calling trying to get me to leave this place. I really do think it will be ok.

When T. Storm Alison hit in 2001 she flooded Houston really really bad. Everyone is using that storm as a barometer for determining whether or not we might flood. That's a tough one to use because during that storm, it rained hard for 8 hours without stopping. THis storm should blow through; however, we didn't have storm surges during Alison. The bayous aren't going to drain like they should. We didn't flood during Alison, and people who have lived here 30 years have never seen it flood here. But here we are facing Rita and I'm just not so sure.

I'm about to take a shower and clean out the tub so that I can fill it with water. I'll continue posting as long as I have power and an internet connection.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Evacuation problems

Music: None - talking heads on NBC
Mood: Concerned

I think that what most people don't understand about Houston is that though it's the 4th largest city in the world, it is very very spread out. It's close to 60 miles from the furthest eastern city limit to the furthest west. So, I htink that evacuation procedures in Houston are going to have to be done differently in that the mayor is going to have to prohibit certain areas of the city from evacuating until the mandatory areas have evacuated.

People who are leaving Houston with full tanks of gas are running out of gas as their leaving Houston. Stories I'm hearing are that people are sitting in traffic for almost 4 -5 hours straight without moving more than 60 miles. This is going to be tragic if people are trapped on the exit routes when the hurricane hits.

We still have 24 hours before it hits us. It's supposed to be raining etc. tomorrow afternoon, so they actually have about 30 hours to get out. I heard a report of a man who is evacuating animals (birds, cats, dogs, turtles, etc.) and has run out of gas. I feel so sorry for these people. Looking at these reports, if I were to evacuate yesterday is the day to have done that.

Calm before the storm

Music: None - silence - I want quiet for a while
Mood: Anxious

I was awake ths morning at 6:00. When I went to start my laundry, there was already one person ahead of me and two people came behind 10 minutes later. I thought I would be the only one.... There are about 1/3 of the people in my building staying beind.

My cats are sort of spooked by all the activity. Any I time I pull out the "kennel cab", one of my cats goes into hiding. All the activity, stuffing things in bags etc. it's making them somewhat nervous. They ain't seen nothing yet.

I think when things get started tomorrow, I'll put them in their carriers. That way if I have to flee, I don't have to leave them, I can take them with me.

My neighbor, Jackie, and I are tallying up the residents in our building so that we'll know who's here. I spoke with my neighbor, Jim, and he is up for draining the pool. So if we can't get building management to do it, we'll do it ourselves. We just want it down about 6 - 12".

It's so calm outside, though. The sun is shining, there isn't any wind at all. It's beautiful. I have my windows open bringing in the sun. I have a few more things to do, then I'm done. It just seems so overwhelming.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Rita jitters

Music: None-talking heads on NBC
Mood: Concerned

I have a friend who is trying to get me to leave my apartment and go stay with him and his family in Huntsville, TX. I really do think that I'll be ok but man he would not let up. He KNOWS everything and everything is doomed for failure. Everything is going to end in death and destruction. If he's right this time, it's just because he got lucky. But he says this about everything.

My brother is coming in to pick up my mother from Kingwood and is taking her to stay with him in Crocket. I thought about going to Kingwood and staying in her house; but really, I think I'm better off staying here. I actually think that it is sturdier here and I have a less chance of flooding, though I'm not but maybe 1/4 mile from the bayou. I made it just fine when Alison hit. We'll see.

It's quiet. I think at least 1/5 of my building has already left. I see people packing up their cars and anticipate that at least 1/3 of the residents in my building will be gone by tomorrow afternoon/evening.

I wonder when we'll actually begin to see evidence of the approaching storm?

Preparing for Rita

Music: Silence
Mood: Curious

Wow, by the way everyone has been hustling and preparing here in Houston for Rita's arrival you would think that she was coming tomorrow. All of the pool furniture is gone and put away. I hope that means they'll be draining the pools least a little. Idon't know what's next on the list of Hurricane Prep To Do's.

It's really sort of exciting. We knew one was coming, eventually. It just seemed as though we were repelling them. So many coming at our coast and then curving left or right. So this time the African Coast decided to pitch us a fast ball. Argh.

And there's another wave developing right now as I type this. It is brewing in the Atlantic. Accuweather says that showers and thunderstorms were accompanying it. Awe, look, travel companions. Then they start partying and then things start spinning OUTTA CONTROL!

I wonder if there is a creative way to cool off the Gulf of Mexico so that these things can be slowed down? It would seem to me that there should be something we could do.

Anyway, I think I'm ready. I need batteries for my radio, though and the stores are out of them. I did get them for my flashlight however. I have candles to boot as well.

Alright, well as long as I have power and an internet connection, I'll continue to post for all you lurkers out there......I know you're there, eagerly anticipating my every post. I won't let you down.


Music: Jazz, faint in the background - at the office
Mood: Somewhat excited.

Well, folks around here are preparing for Rita's arrival. I have already gone shopping to prepare to have to get by without power for at least a week. I remember we were without power for at least that long when Alicia hit in 83 and that was only a Cat 3 storm.

I've heard stories already of people fighting over water at WalMart, long lines at gas stations. My tank is full. I have 10 gallons of water. I would evacuate, but I have a large bird that is not so easy to move around with. If it were just the cats, I could go to a hotel in Huntsville, only about $75/night.

I'm sort of nervous about this. I'm not so worried about flooding as I am about things flying about. My apartment is on the ground floor but I don't think that anything will fly into them. I have a pool fence in front of the picture window in the front of my apartment and the back of my apartment is overlooking the parking lot. If they don't remove the pool furniture from the pool area, I'm going to dump it into the pool myself. That's the stuff I'm worried about.

Ok, gotta go... more prep work to do.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Evacuees - Katrina

Music: Braveheart soundtrack- watching the movie (bloody, ewe)
Mood: Calm

I'm reading about these evacuees in Houston. The remaining ones are being sent to Arkansas and many of them are not happy about it. They seem to be under the impression that as they have been displaced they have the right to stay in Houston. Many of these people have been living off of welfare for some time. I guess they think that they actually have freedom to choose their destiny. I guess as long as they are on the government's ticket, they can't decide where they will be living.

I've been thinking about these handouts. The evacuees that have remained in the Astrodome and Reliant Center are the ones I suspect aren't planning on moving on. They are the ones that rely heavily on government assistance. I have heard people often complain that it is unfair that these people get handouts. In the case of people who have lost everything I think the complaint is a bit much but I do think it's fair to expect this not to last forever. But I'm sure that these people will settle somewhere and their lives will continue as it always has.

But going back and addressing the issue of government handouts. Though the rhetoric is and always has been that we have an obligation to the poor, the reality of it is totally different. I don't think that the governmnet wants to give anything to the poor. I do, however, believe that as long as people have some food, clothing and a roof over their head, they won't revolt. There will be less rioting in the streets. I am a firm believer that the last thing one wants is a large mass of people who feel that they have nothing to lose.

Personally, I think that welfare is horrible. It creates a sense of apathy and fosters a belief that there will always be a handout. But on the other, I think that it is important to keep people off of the streets. It helps to continue to keep law and order. At least that's my take on it.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Still Purging

Music: Hungry like the Wolf - Duran Duran
Mood: Calm/tired

I'm still purging. Now that I'm home I can write it all out, shout it all out, cry it all out. I've promised myself that no matter what, this is the last time I'll have to live this. No more. I'm done.

I had lunch with a colleague; we had sushi. Sushi always makes me feel better. He is becoming a good friend. We didn't always get along but over the last few months, we've grown to respect each other. Anyway, I shared with him everything. It felt good to hear him tell me he understood and have even been in the same situation and had to make the same choices. I have a tendency to second guess myself.

It's that second guessing that gets me sometimes. That is what causes me to give mixed signals.

I'm tired, but I feel better. I think I got it all out of my system. I'm thinking about sewing or playing the violin. Whatever I decide to do, I'm not going to watch TV, though I have to admit that it is very tempting right now.

I'm seeing light right now and my mood is improving in leaps and bounds by the minute.


Mood: Tired
Music: Radio - Jazz

I cried myself to sleep over this 12 year old fucking wound. I feel so raw and tired today. Please please please let this be the last time I ever have to think about it again. Let it sink in to her that we can't be friends and it's over. I'm looking forward to life without the painful memory being thrown in my face. What a waste of emotion. What a waste, period.

I am free.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

This week

Something I came across on my nephew's sight was a series of postings that listed what he did that week. I really liked it and I think I'll steal, yet, another one of his ideas.

Ok, so today as Sunday and in the past week I did the following; this does not include my adventure with Baily and Sedrick:

Gained a a new client
Cleaned my bathroom
Did not watch any tv; I'm so very proud :)
Organized my desk at the office
Reinforced a relationship with a colleague at the office
Pulled myself out of a slump; had a friend push me back into it
Read from a book: "Leap of Faith" by Queen Noor
Wrote a Haiku for my nephew
Had my car jump started by a police officer
Received a sweet gift from a colleague (not the same one I had lunch with)
Got a new battery for my car while visiting with someone in the Navy Reserves
Went to the Baseball Game with my brother - watched the Astros mop the floor with the Brewers
Finally ended a friendship that needed to end


Music: Shout - INXS
Mood: Angry/Depressed

Betrayal. Where do you begin to unravel the ball of emotions you feel when this happens? How do you explain why and how it's so painful. What is it exactly?

According to the dictionary: To be false or disloyal to

That's it? It seems so dry. There should be a special definition for when it's your best friend who betrays you?

It happened 12 years ago. I'm one of those who believe deeply in friendship and loyalty and even after she did it, I couldn't cast her out of my life. So I stuffed the hurt, and slowly distanced myself from her, then allowed it to rekindle. Then I tried to end it several years later but she wouldn't let it end. She wanted to stay friends at some level. I wrote her a letter over a year ago and told her I wanted to end it. She seemed ok with that, but showed back up about 8 months later. I stopped taking and returning her calls 6 months ago, she called on a different number today so I accidentally took her call. I agreed to meet her for dinner.

I decided to confront it head on this time. The Betrayal. It's been a gorilla in the middle of the room and once in a while was acknowledged but never I called it what it was. Betrayal. So this time I spelled it out. She took it well, but I could see pain behind her eyes. It didn't come near the pain I felt over the years.

So, I'm reliving it all over again. Every time I see her, every fucking time, I relive it. I feel the pain, the humility the depression. This is the last fucking time. I'm not reliving it again.

But I don't know how to put my finger on it and explain why it feels the way that it does. Why do I feel so humiliated. So small. Did my friend's friendship at the time feed something in me? Perhaps my self-worth? I can't explain it but humiliation is in there. And it's very strong. I hate her for being so fucking stupid and careless. And those are words I cannot say to her. I won't hurt her. Why? Because I love her. And maybe I'm even angry at myself for trusting her as much as I did.

So, now I'm back 12 years ago hurting over something I would really really like to forget. I need that bell to be unrung. I wish that of all the painful events that took place in my life, it wasn't that one. I had been through so much hell and she was the one thing in my life that I held trust in.

I wish I could find the words to describe my feelings. I can't find them. Pain and humility. Those are the only two words that seem to sum it up for me.

I hate you!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

20 facts about myself -

Music: Radio - 80's Music
Mood: Contemplative

This is an idea that I saw in my nephew's livejournal and I really liked it.

1) I'm almost a half-breed; French and German with a splash of Scotts Irish. Heavy on the French side.
2) I speak french but have resisted speaking it of late and struggle getting past it.
3) I hate media spin.
4) I don't read as much as I used to and want to change that.
5) I've been taking violin lessons for a year.
6) I have 2 cats, a cockatoo and two betas.
7) I am inspired by my nephew.
8) I believe we can reprogram ourselves at any time; it becomes more difficult as we get older.
9) I'm a redhead because I was inspired by the movie Bandits.
10) I'm not as close to my siblings as I very much want to be.
11) I value my privacy.
12) I love Porsches and once owned a 944 that I pine for today.
13) I fear never having a deep connection with a man.
14) I regret not having tried out for the drill team in high school.
15) I should have been a ballet dancer.
16) I love blogging and tango dancing
17) My favorite painter is William Aldolphe Bouguereau
18) My favorite CD is David Grey's White Ladder
19) My favorite band is Pink Floyd
20) I am a Saggitarius

Friday, September 16, 2005

It must be a full moon

Music: None - quiet
Mood: Still relaxed - must by the Smirnoff Ice

Today some wierd things happened at the office. Our real estate office is in a space that used to be a Domino's Pizza and is located on a fairly busy street; not realy busy but busy enough. We get a lot of walk-in traffic. And now with all these evacuees looking for some sort of housing, we've been very busy.

Today someone walked in, at first glance, it was a girl. I was thinking early thirties. It was obvious by her hair that it had been a few days since she showered. I didn't get a chance really to see her as she was quickly ushered to one of my colleague's desk. A few minutes after, I walked over and offered her some water which she accepted. This time I got a better look at her and I began to wonder if she was really a he.

The problem is this person is overweight and and has "boobs", they could very well be man boobs. I even examined the crotch area to see if I could see anything through his/her jeans. There was no hair on his/her hands, arms or face. Nothing. Just the shape of the face, the build and the shoes made me think he might be a guy. The long hair and the "boobs" made me think otherwise. I had to leave the office to show some property so I didn't think much of it.

After about an hour I came back and the office was quiet; it was just me and another colleague. I was sitting at my desk reading blogs and surfing the internet. I heard some people come in and on of my colleagues moving about, so I didn't acknowledge them. I thought she was taking care of them. I couldn't see them anyway from where I sat. A litle bit of time went by and I heard my colleague ask someone if they needed help and from the response I could tell that they were crying. I got up from my desk to get involved and it was her/him from earlier. My colleague had to leave with some of her customers and I was left to deal alone in the office with this emotional person. At this point I ushered him/her to my desk, rounded up tissues and water and proceeded to hear the problem.

At this point, a man walked in the door. I stood up from my desk to see who it was, saw it was a man that seemed to be the non-threatening type and asked him to have a seat. Back to my androgenous friend. She/He was telling me their story about how much difficulty he/she was having in finding a place to live. This was not an LA relo but one from Kansas City. He...She...didn't have the proper paperwork. Bite marks on the hands from stress. I'm thinking this person needs social services' help not mine. So while this person is getting themselves together, I stand up and ask the man up front if he is looking for a place to live.

He gets up and says "no, I'm not looking for a place. My name is Sedrick and I came from Westheimer and Gessner and that's enough about that. I realize this is a place of business and that I am black". Okay...... whatever that means. He continues "I need bus fair to get to the other side of town and I've already asked 19 people for help." I think, man, take a number there is already a crazy in front of you....

So I tell him to have a seat and back to my customer. My colleague who was working with this person earlier called the office and told me that he believed this person was a him; his name is Baily. (I think Baily can go either way, but ok.) Eventually I got this person numbers and information to services more suited to be able to help him and sent him on his way. And as for Sedrick, he told me his bus fare was $4.50. That's pretty steep, but I wasn't going to give him $4.50. I handed him a $1.00 bill and sent him on his way.

I think we have a full moon tonight, as a matter of fact I'm fairly certain of it.

Shut My Mouth and Sweet Potato Pie

Music: Silent Giant - Roby Deaton
Mood: Relaxed

As many of you know, the sweet people from New Orleans are known for their cooking and their love of sharing their food with friends and strangers. Some evacuees are living in my apartment community and I have spent several evenings sitting in the gazebo in my apartment visiting with one in particular. He is a very sweet old man named Ivory and he is staying here with his daughter and son until they can determine if there is anything worth salvaging in New Orleans.

Ivory waits in the gazebo for me to come from work so that we can sit and visit. I have been so busy this week, usually getting home at 7:00 or so, that I've missed him as I get home from work. So, today, I was able to get in at an earlier hour. There he was, he had gotten a hair cut, more like head shave, and was waiting for me. He baked this morning and had made a sweet potato pie just for me. What a tasty treat! I have to say that was a really kind gesture.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

World's Shortest Poem

Music: Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
Mood: Blue

I just came back from my violin lesson. I have a great teacher, Roby Deaton; he always makes me laugh. He is one of the sweetest people I know, and talented to boot! Anyway, he recited to me what he believes to be worlds shortest poem. We do not know who the Artist might be.

Author Unknown
Adam Had 'em
So, there you have it.

Nephew Part 3

Music: You're the Only Woman - Ambrosia
Mood: Anxious

I have to put my finger on it and I can't and I'm afraid the moment is going to pass. It's about my nephew. It seems so silly, I know but it's just that he's at that moment in his life. A moment he'll never be at again. It's a defining moment. He's on his own for the first time, well almost on his own; the "rents", as he calls them, are still footing the bill. His leash has just been extended over to a new continent. So, for all intents and purposes, he's pretty free to live and experience his life.

His postings sort of make me think of Hemingway.

He has a lot of purity in him and he's very sensitive and smart. There is a lot of good still preserved within and I worry about that. That would be the basis of my concern. I worry about the people who are going to see this in him and loathe it. He's still somewhat naive and trusting. And as he hits the hard lessons ahead will the disappointments strengthen his resolve or will he stuff his emotions and anger deep inside. I can't tell. I don't know him well enough.

I have decided to let him know that I know of his journal so that he can have the option of actually making it inaccessible to me. I will be heartbroken as I really would love so much to see how his personal philosophy develops, not as a critic, but as one who watches a flower bloom. But I understand his need for space, especially right now. He's in the process of defining himself and he may not feel totally free to do that if his aunt can peek in.

He's reading a lot of philosophy and has finally come upon Atlas Shrugged; a book I have been debating giving him for some time. When I read it for the first time it had a wrenching impact on me and I ran from her philosophy for over a year before I finally gave in to it and embraced it. Then I went through all the phases one goes through when studying her philosophy. I had no idea how he might respond to it and I didn't want the wrath of my sister should it have a similar affect on him as well. This is a good time for him to discover her. He'll either love it as I did or he'll reject it. Very few people sit in the middle.

Whoever he becomes I hope most of all that he achieves happiness.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Blonde Moments

I got this idea from my nephew. At the entrance of each posting, he indicates his mood and the music he is listening to. I like this idea and want to start doing it too.

Music: Classical, something Baroque I think
Mood: pumped....Don't know what that's all about.

I am such a Goober! As I was straightening my desk this evening just before leaving the office, I came across an e-mail someone had sent me announcing $1 scoops at Baskin Robins. I love ice cream and I thought this would be a perfect day for a tasty treat.

I got in my car, pulled out of the parking lot and realized I didn't know where one was, so I ventured West because I knew there was one west of our office.....somewhere. So, as I approached the Galleria I decideded to call information from my cell phone. They gave me the address for one so I continued my way only to find myself stuck in horrendous rush hour Galleria traffic. That usually entails sitting and waiting at least 6 minutes before moving 10 feet and then waiting again.

So, my brother calls me. We're going to the game on Saturday and he just wanted to take my temperature. He knows I love baseball and wanted to see how excited I was about the game. Usually, during the week, I'm in the work zone. So, I'm not excited, yet. About an hour before the game, I'll start getting giddy.

Anyway, I'm sitting there in traffic gabbing away with my brother telling him that I'm stuck in this horrible traffic on my way to Baskin Robins for my $1 scoop of ice cream 'cause that's the special on Tuesday. And we're talking away and just as I pull into the parking lot my brother tells me that today is WEDNESDAY not Tuesday, so no $1 scoops of ice cream.

See, a blonde moment and I'm not even a blonde. Go Figure

Now, you get to see first hand what watching TV has done to my brain....I can't even get the days of the week straight!

But that's not all. I decided to proceed with the scoop of ice cream, paying full price of course, and ate it there. As I leave to head back home, I unfortunately discover that my battery is dead. The sit in traffic had something to do with that, I'm sure. So a nice officer jump started my car; and tomorrow I head over to get my alternator checked out. Blugh!

I really want to watch TV right now. Don' t worry, I'm a trooper and will resist the temptation.

TV - An Evil Vacuum

Ever since I can remember, I've always been an active person. I would watch TV from time to time but I never really watched it that often. I didn't have a TV when I lived in New York, so my first Christmas there, my father brought me a TV. When I left, it wouldn't fit in my car; so I gave it to a friend who provided me with a helping hand whenever I asked. It was the least I could give him. That and my king sized mattresses.

So, when I came back to Houston and made it my home, I never bothered to buy a TV. For the first few months I lived with my parents until I could save up enough funds to jump out and live on my own. Eventually I found this little efficiency for $295/mo in a scary part of town. (After New York it wasn't really so bad). There was a really nice black guy that lived below that sort of took it upon himself to adopt me and watch over me. He kind of knew I was out of place. Whenever he saw my lights on, if he didn't see my car, too, he would knock just to make sure everything was ok. On Valentine's Day one year he left chocolates for me at my door. He was really shy but had a good heart. So one day I invited him up to hang with me and have beer.

Noticing that I didn't have anything by way of furniture, I think I had a day bed, two barstools, and a $50 computer desk I bought at wal-mart he felt sorry for me. So he gave me his sony Watchman. It had a tv screen the size of a CD case and only broadcast in black and white as long as the antaennas picked up a signal. (I have great memories of that sony watchman).

That Watchman was my only source for TV and I didn't watch it that much. That lasted for almost 10 years. I have to admit, that if ever I went to someone's house or a bar where the TV was on, I was totally into it. People thought I was odd when I would marvel at something I had seen on TV. I was so totally disconnected from TV Culture.

Then in 2001 or so, I decided that I was going to get a TV. I have a friend who is a doctor and when I made this announcement he immediatelydiscovered I would make a good home for one of his that he no longer wanted. It is one of those TV's that has a built in vcr; the screen is about 20". Not wanting to get to hooked on TV, I passed on the option of acquiring cable. If the TV couldn't pick up the signal, I wasn't going to watch it. It was actually my way of compromising.

That first year I got brave and held a Super Bowl party. It was rather amusing as we had to keep getting up and adjusting the antaennas to get decent reception. We didn't care; it was just an excuse to have a party and it turned out to be a fabulous party. Unfortunately my best friend, who is a great cook, couldn't be there but I made a great chili in spite of his absence.

Soooo, after the first year or so of having this beast, I only watched Alias and the Practice. That was it. Then a little over a year ago I made a career change and money was tight. Really really tight. So I would work hard all day and come home and veg and watchTV. Every night that was my routine. I didn't do anything else for a year.

Well, my friend, I'm paying for it. That was the worse thing I could have done. I honestly believe that sucked out so much of my energy, creativity and ambition. I struggle now with my memory and my vocabulary. I lack motivation to do things in the evening. Actually, I'm embarrassed by what it has done.

So now, I'm banned from watching TV. I can lay on the sofa and do nothing, I can read, I can goof off on the computer, paint, read, write poetry, do whatever my little heart desires but I CANNOT watch TV. I am going to allow myself to watch Alias when the season begins; but that's all I'll watch. No more CSI, 2 1/2 Men, House, Boston Legal....not even American Idol sniff, sniff.

It is my hope to kickstart the active part of me so that my life can begin to be interesting to me once again.

May the force be with me.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Louisiana holding pets hostage....

Now this is very interesting. I just listened to a report on by Anderson Cooper where Louisiana is NOT allowing animals out of the state. The volunteers who are trying to help are being told that they cannot send animals out in order to make room for more to come. I have been wondering what this is all about.

My theory.

One of the dilemmas that New Orleans is facing is that they just lost a bunch of their residents and the Democrats lost a whole lot of constituents. There are congressmen and representatives that need to be re-elected. Louisiana carries 9 electoral votes and Bush won them in 2000 & 2004; their locals are dems. I belieive their fear is that their people won't come back and make roots again.

I think they are allowing the residents to take their dog once they've ID'd him/her and even allow them to take it out of the state, but by keeping the animals in the state it at least forces the residents to COME BACK to New Orleans to get the Spot. Louisiana and New Orleans wants these people to come back.

The more I'm reading about Louisiana and how the state and local officials have been handling things, THEY are the ones that have been standing in the way. I suspect that Red Cross and other aid that was arriving by way of trucks was turned away is because the towns that those trucks would have had to stop in didn't want the people coming into their parishes. I suspect there is a whole line of people who have taken measures to prevent those people from leaving New Orleans.....for a lot of reasons.

There's gonna a be a lot of crap rising to the top......lots of it. I can't wait to see how it gets to unfold. I want a front row seat. Someone get me a bucket o' crawdads.... :)

Nephew Dilemma

Ok, I took a bath and thought about it and was hit with an idea. I think it only fair that I let him know I found his journal and I offer him the link to mine. Anonymity is important to me, it's actually very important. I grew up in an environment where boundaries were not respected so now I have boundaries and I value them. Something tells me that my nephew, Thomas, understands the need for boundaries and will also respect my boundary.

That is the issue, isn't it? Boundaries. When I stumbled across his journal it became a boundary issue. I like Quid Pro Quo, so maybe it is only fair that I give him mine and let him know I found his and we just both agree to keep each other's presence to ourselves. I will ruminate the matter and then make a decision.

My nephew

When I'm bored and have free time at my desk I like to Google people I know. Recently, I googled my nephew. Not too long ago he posted a question on the website of a University he will be attending this fall and gave his first and last name in the post. Google picked it up. Somehow that post links right to his livejournal.

I don't think he is aware that through this post he has opened the door to anyone into his blog and I don't think that he intends for his family to ever access it. At first I think he intended it to be a blog but it really is a journal of his thoughts, musings, writings, etc. and he opens it up to his friends and peers.

I have not been able to be close to my nephew because he lives so far from me (on the east coast) but I have always wanted to get to know him. My only insights into my nephew came from the things that my sister shared with me and her musings about him have always been accolades regarding his accomplishments. He is their only child so he is the be all of everything. From his entries, I have been introduced to a different side of him. I'm not saying my sister does not know her son and does not represent him accurately; I'm just saying that I have been able to tap into another part of him.

He is wonderful. I cannot say it any more than that. I am so incredibly proud of who this young man is becoming in his heart and in his soul; how sensitive he is; how hungry he is for life and how bright he is. I also worry about him for these things. I worry about the people and life events that will challenge his ideals, I worry about his compromises. I so badly want to reach through his livejournal and speak with him but somehow I feel like I have stumbled into sacred ground and I dare not let him know I'm "in".

Anyway, I'm really very inspired by him and am proud of who he has and will become.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Happy Memory

I stopped this evening at Starbucks and treated myself to an ice coffee. After the guy behind the counter handed me my efficiently prepared refreshing beverage, I headed straight back to the condiment counter to add cream to it. Whenever I add cream to my ice coffee, I am reminded of the same scenario and it always makes me laugh out loud.

When I was young, about 8 or 9, my father had purchased a motor home much like the popular Winnebego except ours was called a Commander. Our family absolutely loved taking vacations in this thing. I have the best memories from our vacations in The Commander.

Now my father was the kind of person that when he discovered he liked something simple, he was really into it. I don't know if it was something he had recently discovered or if it was a reawakened pleasure but this one particular summer, it was ice coffee.

As was the tradition, we camped at KOA's (Kampgrounds Of America) and they were everywhere. Dad was pretty good at making sure that wherever we camped, it had a swimming pool. And if we were lucky, it would have an "amusement park", too.

Well, on this particular day of this particular summer at this particular KOA somewhere in Oklahoma my little brother and I spent the better part of the early evening playing in the swimming pool while my mother prepared dinner. My Dad would sit on a lawn chair smoking a cigar and enjoying the much needed rest from driving all day.

I remember my brother and I sitting at the dinner table that was so neatly set for us. Before each of us was a tall glass of grape koolaide, ice coffee for my father and ice tea for everyone else. I thought it would be particularly funny to switch glasses with my father, so I just put my koolaid in front of his plate and took his coffe to mine. When I did this, I thought he would have caught it immediately but I guess since the plastic glasses were a dark transparent red, the grape Koolaid looked just like the coffee. Well, my dad proceeded to put cream in his coffee and didn't notice the creamy purple look as he stirred it. That was when I knew I hit pay dirt. He actually didn't notice that I had switched and he was going to discover once he tasted it.

When he proceeded to drink it, he still didn't get it. He knew something was wrong and he asked my mother what she did different to the coffe because it didn't taste right...and then of course my brother and I burst out laughing in delight of the "trick" we played on our father.

For me, now, whenever I put cream in ice coffee, I remember that moment and it is magical.

Isn't funny how some of the simplest moments in life can bring about such great feelings.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Aftermath Blues

Now that the Katrina event is over and we are dealing with its aftermath, I seem to be feeling really blue. There is something about the way the entire thing transpired that has really left me feeling depressed. Most of it has to do with the way the media portrayed it and the underhanded tactics of politicians hoping to use it as leverage over the White House.

I'm not defending Bush here, I'm just stating that I'm sick, really, really sick, of the naysayers who want to just keep America in a bad place so that they can win an election in a couple of years.

I have said on several occasions here that I have been disappointed with Bush regarding his relationship with the Religious Right. He has given them way to much power and I have issue with this. I think his aligning with them as tightly as he has bothers a lot of people and the result is that he is getting less backing for his agendas. But this is the extent of my frustration with him.