Thursday, September 15, 2005

Nephew Part 3

Music: You're the Only Woman - Ambrosia
Mood: Anxious

I have to put my finger on it and I can't and I'm afraid the moment is going to pass. It's about my nephew. It seems so silly, I know but it's just that he's at that moment in his life. A moment he'll never be at again. It's a defining moment. He's on his own for the first time, well almost on his own; the "rents", as he calls them, are still footing the bill. His leash has just been extended over to a new continent. So, for all intents and purposes, he's pretty free to live and experience his life.

His postings sort of make me think of Hemingway.

He has a lot of purity in him and he's very sensitive and smart. There is a lot of good still preserved within and I worry about that. That would be the basis of my concern. I worry about the people who are going to see this in him and loathe it. He's still somewhat naive and trusting. And as he hits the hard lessons ahead will the disappointments strengthen his resolve or will he stuff his emotions and anger deep inside. I can't tell. I don't know him well enough.

I have decided to let him know that I know of his journal so that he can have the option of actually making it inaccessible to me. I will be heartbroken as I really would love so much to see how his personal philosophy develops, not as a critic, but as one who watches a flower bloom. But I understand his need for space, especially right now. He's in the process of defining himself and he may not feel totally free to do that if his aunt can peek in.

He's reading a lot of philosophy and has finally come upon Atlas Shrugged; a book I have been debating giving him for some time. When I read it for the first time it had a wrenching impact on me and I ran from her philosophy for over a year before I finally gave in to it and embraced it. Then I went through all the phases one goes through when studying her philosophy. I had no idea how he might respond to it and I didn't want the wrath of my sister should it have a similar affect on him as well. This is a good time for him to discover her. He'll either love it as I did or he'll reject it. Very few people sit in the middle.

Whoever he becomes I hope most of all that he achieves happiness.

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