April 11th, 1998
I made a big mistake this morning. There were a lot of emotions going on inside of me and I had reached a point where I needed to spend some time alone. Coming to Paris from Houston is a big ordeal and it's not cheap. I had no idea when I would have another opportunity to be here.
Andy's claustrophobia and the limited bus schedule was restricting what I was going to be able to do in the city and I really really wanted to go to the Musee de Louvre; I had missed it the last time I came to Paris. There was no way to get there from our hotel without taking the below ground subway and he would not get on the subway.
I left Andy at the hotel and went to the Louvre. He was very angry at me for doing this. I think he thought I was punishing him. In my defense, prior to our trip, I had told him that I would come to a point in this trip where I would need some time alone. It is very much a part of my personality to take time in isolation to regroup.
I spent the morning in the Louvre. The works there were beautiful and I especially enjoyed the french paintings of the 17th - 19th centuries. Collet, Ingres, Boulangeais...there are so many to name. Unfortunately, I did not find any of Bouguereau's paintings there. He is my favorite artist.
I observed local artists coming into the museum with their sketch pads. They drew the sculptures and sketched some of the famous paintings that were displayed. The works were so beautiful and there is so much context within the paintings themselves. I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of what I saw that I was brought to tears.
When I returned to the hotel several hours later, it appears as though neither one of us were harboring any bad feelings towards one another. I was disappointed that he didn't leave the hotel. He was still upset with me but I apologized for the way I handled the morning and we talked it out a bit. He succeeded in helping me see that there were other ways I could have handled the situation.
I suggested that we count our money to see how much we had left. We decided we could splurge on one final meal. I picked out my leather skirt and a silk sweater. Andy picked out the jewelry and lipstick I would wear; then we headed out the door for an Italian restaurant.
I was wearing thigh high stockings with the rubber grips. For some reason, these stupid things would not grip my thighs, so halfway to the restaurant they started to slip down my legs. Andy and I had to continue to duck into coves along the buildings where I could attempt to pull the stockings back up. We finally found a restaurant where I rectified the problem.
It was at this point that I realized I was falling in love with Andy. I would be heading back to the states in about three days and I had nothing waiting for me.
There was a young couple who lived in the same apartment community as myself. He was about to graduate from law school. Two days before this trip, he pulled me aside and told me that if Andy asked me to marry him to do it. He told me not to worry about anything, he would put together the legal matters for me once I returned. You had to understand their story in order to appreciate where he was coming from.